THE WARRIOR WAYS - PARADIGMA BARU SALESMANSHIP ( Bag 1 )

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Salesmanship Corner by Zig Ziglar - Fixing Problems

Question: Can you remember a day when you did not have some "problem," irritation, disappointment, defeat or set-back of some kind? It might be having to make an unexpected stop at the service station because your mate drove your car and neglected to refill it. Or maybe your boss gave you incomplete information on an important project and now you have to start all over.

The big issue is not the problems; they're part of life. The issue is how to handle the problems. Do you let a simple problem dictate to you how you should behave the rest of the day, even to the way you deal with other people? Sometimes that's hard to do, but ask yourself the question, "What real difference does this make in my life tonight, or even in the morning?" In most cases you'll realize that it really doesn't matter. With that in mind, you'll be able to forget the problem of the moment and move on.

Conclusion: You can take control of your own thoughts, actions and emotions, which means you can take control of your life. The best way to deal with problems is to re-order your thinking and see them as opportunities to grow or mature. It also helps to remember that if there were no problems in your job, chances are good you would not be needed. Chances are also good that the greater the difficulties, the greater the need for you to be there to handle them. That's the reason you're on the payroll. Think about it, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Salesmanship Corner by Jeff Gitomer - Which way do I go to find success?

It's amazing how many emails I get from people, telling me that I can be a success if I just do it their way and pay them a bunch of money. The reason these people succeed with “do it my way” ideas, is that most unsuccessful people don't have the confidence to do it on their own, or they have no game plan to do it on their own, and figure, “Well, if that guy did it, maybe I can do it.”

And the people who “pay for success” begin to reach for money based on greed, rather than earning money based on love. More often than not, they fail at the process, and blame the guy that sold them the formula, or the formula itself.

When you reach for success and can’t quite get there, it’s a lesson and an adventure – not a failure. If you consider it a failed attempt, FIRST look at your attitude

Let me give you my formula for success -- at no charge:
1. Find something to do, that you believe in, and that you love.
2. Dedicate the time that it takes to become a world-class expert at it. NOTE: I was taught long ago that there are three kinds of experts: an expert, a world-class expert, and THE world-class expert. In order to get where you want to go, in order to become successful, you have to be at least a world-class expert.
3. You have to believe in yourself, and let no one else around you shake that belief. 4. You have to wake up every morning with an attitude of YES!, and have it be strong enough to shake off the NOs.
And, if you have all of those elements…
4.5 You must then be willing to work hard. Not just “do whatever it takes,” but actually see the vision of completion and fulfillment, and work hard towards that with all your heart, every day.

SUCCESS FORMULA RECAP: If you love it, if you believe in it, if you believe in yourself, and you're willing to work your butt off, you can march to success, doing it YOUR way.

Okay. I just gave you the formula. Why aren’t you moving on it? Why aren’t you jumping at it?

I’ll tell you why:
• I haven’t told you the story about how I came upon this theory.
• I haven’t shown you any proof that my way works.
• You want more details of “how.”
• You have no idea what you want to do.
• You have no idea of what you would love to do.
• You are unwilling to take the risk (a form of low belief).
• You are unwilling to chance not having rent or car payment money.
• You don’t really want it that bad.

I have discovered that most people have little or no real passion for what they do every day. They’re dreaming about success in other ways than the opportunity at their feet. (Maybe it’s time to read or re-read, “Acres of Diamonds” by Russell Conwell.)

Your success will not be achieved with someone else’s formula, UNLESS the product or service they’re involved with matches your passion.

The success formula your looking for is within you. All you have to do to find it is arrange some personal alone time to think about it and discover it. It may involve shutting off the TV for a while. It may involve reading or writing – or a combination of all these elements.

Once you have the idea, you have to make a plan. Not just a plan to execute, a plan to clarify your thinking and smooth out the details before you leap into action – full force (the only way to take action).

One more element: Courage. The guts and fortitude to start, continue, stay the course, make it happen, and celebrate the victory.

You create the idea, you create the plan, you make the map, you develop the passion, you take the first step, and you march to success.

You have known of the lessons since the first time you watched Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. If you have brains, heart, courage, and the unyielding desire to get to Oz, success is yours.

You don’t need to be a wizard, but you do need to be smart.

If you want another viewpoint, go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time visitor, and enter the words MY SUCCESS in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Little Red Book of Selling and eight other business books on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts Internet training programs on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development at www.trainone.com. Jeffrey conducts more than 100 personalized, customized seminars and keynotes a year. To find out more, visit www.gitomer.com. Jeffrey can be reached at 704.333.1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Destructive Responses to Anger

There are two equally devastating responses to anger: explosion and implosion. We may think that one is more destructive than the other, but the truth is implosive anger can be as damaging as explosive anger.

Remember, anger itself is not sinful. Paul said, “Being angry, sin not.” That is the challenge - to control our response to anger.

Explosive Anger
Explosive anger expresses itself in two modes: words and actions. Verbal abuse and physical abuse are now household words in America. Uncontrolled anger is at the root of all such abuse.

Some people pride themselves on “speaking their mind,” but the first step is in admitting that such verbal explosions are not healthy. They are not loving, kind, tender, or caring. Anger needs to be processed, but not by verbally abusive explosions.

A Story of Accountability
Harvey was a man of action. When he got angry, he was quick to fight.

Within six months of being married to Judy, Harvey pushed her against the wall. She knew that his behavior was wrong, so she wrote him a letter and mailed it to his office telling him that she loved him. She said in the letter that she didn’t think that he meant to hurt her, but that if he ever touched her again in an angry way that she would leave until she was assured by a counselor that it was safe to live with him again.

Judy is doing the hard work of love. She is holding Harvey accountable for his sinful behavior. Since she is taking this action early in their marriage, she will probably be the person God uses to help Harvey deal with his destructive response to anger.

Implosive Anger
Some Christians who would deplore explosive anger fail to realize that implosive anger is as destructive in the long run. Whereas explosive anger begins with rage and may quickly turn to violence, implosive anger begins with silence and withdrawal but in time leads to resentment, bitterness, and eventually hatred.

Those who practice an implosive method of responding to anger often begin by denying that they are angry at all. But anger does not die with denial. Internalized anger will often express itself in passive-aggressive behavior. The person is passive on the outside, trying to give the appearance that nothing is wrong, but eventually the anger is expressed in other ways.

Examine your own negative behavior and see if it is rooted in anger. This is why the Scriptures tell us get rid of anger before the sun goes down.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Anger by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner by Laura Laaman - Your Bad Words May Backfire During a Bad Economy

"How's business?" one attendee asked another at a networking event.

"This economy is killing me. We've got people canceling right and left and trying to get prospects to buy anything isn't happening -- things better turn around fast."

The above exchange was real. Although we can probably all agree with the sentiments of the salesperson -- fuel prices through the roof, unemployment creeping up and low consumer confidence -- talking about these facts can make your personal economy worse. The person who asked, "How's business?" very likely could have been a prospect. Ouch!

So what's wrong with telling the truth? A lot! No one (I repeat no one) wants to hear doom and gloom -- especially not someone who might want to do business with you.

Could there be anyone worse to share the misery with than a potential prospect? Well you might think your manager or boss tops the list, and you're right to think they don't want to hear this bad news (and by the way, they already know about these conditions). What they want to hear is that although times are challenging, you will prevail. They want to hear that you're doing things to produce the results they pay you for. But the person who is most adversely impacted by this negative naysaying is you!

By even thinking negative thoughts, forget saying them, you put yourself in a mental state of failure. You subconsciously tell yourself the odds are against you, and you are doomed to fail. I'm sure you know that both positive and negative energy are contagious. Your actions reflect your thoughts and people will consciously or unconsciously detect your outlook. Ask yourself would you rather buy from someone who acts desperately to stay afloat or from someone who is convinced of the benefits of his product? From someone who complains about the economy or from someone who makes any economy work for him and his clients?

People want to do business with winners. The average person, including businesspeople, takes great security in doing business with successful businesses. If you've ever purchased something from a person or company that has gone out of business, you know what a pain that can be. Minimally it's going to cost you extra time calling or physically running around to find another service agent. Worse is when you find out that the product can't be supported at all. There are two simple yet powerful ways that you communicate that you're a winner or not, that you're thriving or struggling in this economy: verbally --your choice of words and nonverbally - your choice of dress.

So, better ways to answer "How's business?":

"Our new marketing campaign is really taking off" or "Our new marketing campaign is bringing us lots of new customers." (You don't have to mention that your "new marketing campaign" is you making dozens of cold calls each day.)

"We're growing market share?"

"Even with rising costs, we've been able to maintain our current pricing."

Hopefully you can also say, "Customers are raving about our new product." If you can't, assuming your product is a good one, solicit positive responses from your customers. This can be done early in the manufacturing process, even before your product has been officially released with a small focus group. It can also be done after your customers have enjoyed and benefited from your product. Once you have obtained these glowing kudos, share them on a regular and consistent basis with customers and prospects.

Why go through this bother? Because people are innately followers. Prospects are drawn to successful businesses and typically follow the positive experiences of others. Successful businesspeople take responsibility for obtaining positive messages and passing them along.

These positive messages will also cheer you up and help you create your own economic boom.

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - ...Prevention - The Best "Cure" For Addiction

Former drug czar William Bennett says there are some things we can do to prevent our kids from ever experimenting with drugs. He says that children who have good lines of communication with their parents, who attend church regularly and engage in extracurricular activities (sports, band, debating team, etc.) seldom try drugs. He also encourages us to keep the kids busy and to remind them that they are moral and spiritual beings. He says to tell them that drug abuse is a degradation of character and the spirit, something not worthy of them.

Drug authority Dr. Forest Tennant adds a couple of significant thoughts. He says that order in a person's life is most helpful. He recommends structure and a schedule centered around positive activities. Things like meals with the family, a regular time to go to bed and to get up, and a definite time to study are very helpful to young people. He also points out that you can teach kids what you know, but you will reproduce what you are. If you experiment with drugs, chances are much higher that your child will experiment with drugs and perhaps become an addict.

Specifically, Dr. Tennant says if your child sees you drinking beer or cocktails, as far as they're concerned you're taking something to reframe your thinking. They will view that as desirable and the concept of drug use becomes acceptable to them. Dr. Tennant points out that tobacco and alcohol are invariably the entrance drugs to illegal drugs. This is reinforced by a September 15, 1989, issue of US NEWS & WORLD REPORT which states that there is seldom, if ever, a case of a person getting involved in illegal drugs who did not start with tobacco and/or alcohol.

William Bennett's suggestions, combined with Dr. Tennant's thoughts, are marvelous guidelines and something for every parent to consider. Think about it, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Salesmanship Corner by Jeff Gitomer - Help, we’re growing! Help, the market is changing! Help! Change.

When big companies make moves, the results are felt by the people who helped make them big, or helped keep them big, or helped them get bigger. Whether it’s the economy, or a merger, or a “change in comp plan” (aka: reduction in pay), or the introduction of a new product, things change every day in the business world.

In the sales world, things change even faster than that whether your company is big or small.

I want to address some of the elements of change, show the reality of it, and in the process rename the situation to one that is more easily understood by those on the receiving end. You.

Change comes about either by greed, or by taking advantage of opportunity, or by corporate growth, or by evolution to a better way, or by outside economic forces, or from internal economic conditions, or to appease Wall Street (cut costs and increase earnings), or by modernization, or by innovation. And did I mention greed?

Reality bites: “We had to make some tough decisions,” means a hammer is about to fall. “Today we are announcing the merger of…,” means everyone will be in panic mode about their job.

Change brought about by the reasons stated above often brings about a lowered morale inside the company -- especially if management is not communicating well. Low morale also leads to lower productivity, lack of service response, and ultimately, a loss of customers.

Here are a few ways to look at change.

On the bright side:
Change is refinement.
Change is growth.
Change is movement.
Change is acquiring.
Change is upgrading.
Change is opportunity.

On the dark side
Change is eliminating.
Change is terminating.
Change is hiding or avoiding truth.
Change is disappointing.
Change is scary.
Change is morale busting.

In order to be most effective, and have a positive outcome, change must be communicated by leadership in a straight-forward way – not downsize or right-size – it’s layoff and job elimination – and then state the REAL reason – not making enough profit – duplication of title in a merger – lack of sales. Unfortunately, this is rarely done.

Some people are “waiting to see what happens.” Big mistake.

Here is the reality, the remedy, and a few personal rules to help you react to change:
Keep your attitude UP: Rather than “this sucks,” make a plan for what can be done. Make a plan for what you can do. If nothing can be done, or what can be done falls short of your ideals, make a plan to get out.
Keep your thoughts focused on doing your BEST: HINT: In mergers or slower economic times, companies keep their BEST people. Be your best. Instead of “waiting to see what happens,” decide to be your best, ask how you can help, and lead the charge. Set a positive example, and work as hard as you can, so that whatever happens, you’ll always be able to say you did your best until the last minute of the last day.
Keep your mind open to other possibilities: What would you really like to do? Why aren’t you doing that anyway?
Stay away from -- don’t get involved in -- politics and pity parties: Odds are that if you’re dissatisfied with what is happening, so are others. Stay away from groaners, whiners, and other assorted non-solution-oriented people. Waste of your time and energy.
Don’t lose faith. Your outlook on what could or should happen will determine your willingness to work hard now. Faith in yourself and your circumstance will carry the day. Change happens daily. Don’t get nervous – get excited. No matter what happens, the sun will come up tomorrow. Fear of the unknown is always greater than fear of the known. There are no easy answers when you’re in the heat of the fire. Follow your heart, and your wallet will catch up.

NOTE WELL: If you have a family, meet with them and get their ideas and their support. Your family wants the best for you. Talk to them. Get closer to the people you love in times of transition.

BIG AHA! When there is market upheaval, economic uncertainty, or merger, people tend to look inward and ask themselves, “Is my job safe?” and take the appropriate steps to play internal politics or waste their day(s) making sure all is well. The biggest vulnerability in uncertain times is NOT your job – it’s your customers. They are the revenue source that will ultimately provide your job security. Don’t guard your job – guard your customers. Serve them memorably. Sell them more. Keep them loyal. And earn referrals from them.

If you want “change insurance” or “change assurance,” it does not come from your boss. It comes from your customers. Guard them with your life.

I have a list of ideas that will give you a few more action steps to help you cope and thrive. Go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time visitor, and enter the word CHANGE in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Little Red Book of Selling and eight other business books on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts Internet training programs on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development at www.trainone.com. Jeffrey conducts more than 100 personalized, customized seminars and keynotes a year. To find out more, visit www.gitomer.com. Jeffrey can be reached at 704.333.1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - Dress Up And You'll Feel "Up"

The scene was a beauty contest at the Heritage Manor South Nursing Home in Shreveport, Louisiana. The youngest contestant was 67, the oldest 91. I was the escort for my sister-in-law who, at the time, was 73.

I've never been behind the scenes of a beauty contest before, but this one created incredible excitement. At four p.m. the residents gathered for an early evening meal so they could properly prepare for the seven o'clock beauty contest. Promptly at five o'clock the thirteen contestants headed for the beauty shop where the resident beautician worked her magic. The ladies then retired to their rooms to dress in their best. Later, they gathered in the "holding room" to prepare for their grand entrance.

There was a feeling of anticipation. Some of the contestants sat quietly, others were nervously laughing and talking with each other. Each time anyone commented on how beautiful they looked, the contestants glowed with delight. There was much discussion about who was going to win.

Finally, the contest was on and all too quickly it was over. When the winner was proclaimed there was much applause and enthusiasm. Everyone cheered for her as she proceeded to accept her bouquet of roses and make a speech. Then she sashayed up and down in front of the delighted guests, staff and other contestants. All agreed it was a magnificent evening.

Big deal? You bet it was! For a moment the participants relived their youth. Their obvious delight in being made up, dressed up and made over was a real tonic to their spirits. Yes, we really are social creatures and no matter our age, it helps to "recharge our engines" socially. Nothing shakes up the doldrums like a beauty contest or a family dinner party or a nice evening out. All work and no play truly does make us dull. So, add a little sparkle to your life, dress up, laugh or even giggle, but change your routine. Take this advice and I will SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - The Love Language of Physical Touch

This week we are going to focus on the love language of physical touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. Research has shown that babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. I suspect the same is true of adults.

Physical touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. All marriages are enhanced by tender physical touch.

If Your Spouse Doesn't Enjoy Physical Touch
One wife said, “I want to touch my husband, but when I try, he draws back. He acts like it irritates him, unless of course we are having sex.” What is this man telling his wife by his behavior? That physical touch is not his primary love language. He will respond much better to “words of affirmation” or one of the other love languages. If physical touch is your spouse's primary love language, they will welcome tender touches any time you want to give them.

Some people will find it difficult to speak the language of physical touch. They were not touched as children, and touching is uncomfortable for them. But anyone can learn to speak this language. Remember, love is seeking to meet your spouse's needs, but your own. You don’t touch because it feels comfortable to you, but because it communicates love to them.

Dialects of Love
In marriage, the love language of physical touch has many dialects. This does not mean that all touches are created equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse. Your wife or husband knows what they perceive as a loving touch. Don’t insist on touching them in your way and in your time.

Respect their wishes. Learn to speak their dialect. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to them.

There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch in every society. All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting. This is also true in marriage. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. Tender physical touch can be a powerful language of love, but harsh abusive touch can actually destroy love. Clearly our bodies are made for touching, but not for physical abuse.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Leadership Corner By John C. Maxwell - Starting - The First Step Toward Success

Salespersons are coached in the power of a first impression. Orators devote hours to opening statements. Journalists are admonished never to bury the lead. Sprinters practice racing out of the starting blocks. Interviewees are taught the importance of their initial handshake with a potential employer.

In leadership, as in many other areas of life, the beginning often determines the end. False starts and weak foundations can be ruinous. Here are five insights to help you start successfully.

HOW TO START SUCCESSFULLY

1. Start With Yourself

As Gandhi famously said, "Be the change you want to be in the world." By starting with yourself, you build the self-confidence needed to attract and inspire others. Leading yourself well is a precursor to accomplishment, and accomplishment earns respect. In order to make deposits in the lives of followers, you have to have a beginning balance in your leadership account. Start leading by proving your mettle - to yourself and to prospective followers.

2. Start early

Sadly, many leaders squander their early years and spend the rest of their careers trying to make up for lost time. In leadership, as with finances, decisions made early in life accrue the most interest. When we choose poorly or establish bad habits, we put ourselves in debt. Then, we must not only repay our loans, but the interest on them as well. On the flip side, when we invest our time and talent wisely from a young age, we reap the benefits of compounding interest on our leadership.

Specifically, where should leaders start? What areas should take precedence at the beginning? From my experience there are 10 things you should do as a leader prior to reaching age 40:

1. Know yourself
2. Settle your family life
3. Determine your priorities
4. Develop your philosophy of life
5. Get physically fit
6. Learn your trade
7. Pay the price
8. Develop solid relationships
9. Prepare for the future
10. Find purpose for your life

If you're over 40, it's never to late to make improvements. Unfortunately, an old dog doesn't easily learn new tricks. Undoing years of misplaced priorities and poor self-management will take extra effort.

3. Start Small

Don't expect to understand what it takes to get to the top, just take the next step.
Think big, but start small. Doing so encourages you to get started, and keeps you from being frozen by the magnitude of the vision in front of you. When you accomplish a small step, you gain confidence that you can accomplish the next step.

The success found in starting small comes when you diligently apply the lessons you learn. As my friend, Dick Biggs, has said, "The greatest gap is between knowing and doing." Commit to mastering the details under your control, and follow through when experience has given you instruction.

4. Start with the end in view

"Most people spend more time planning their grocery shopping than designing their future."
~ Tom James, Personal Development Coach

To start with the end in view, you need energy and direction. Let your passion pull you forward, and let your planning give you guidance. In order for passion to be a driving force in your life, you must identify a purpose for you life. To locate your purpose, consider your strengths, interests, and past successes. What roles do you find most enjoyable? What brings you the greatest sense of satisfaction? Examine the areas that make you feel strong and angle your career toward them. Also, find people who have been successful in the area of your interest. Listen to them and watch their lives.

For planning to give you direction, you need to write down goals. Goals lend structure to your purpose, and they keep you leading "within the lines." They focus your action and move you toward your overall vision.

5. Start Now

We exaggerate yesterday, overestimate tomorrow, and underestimate today. Embrace action daily. Don't wait until it's too late before you begin to pursue the visions implanted in your heart. Make each day your masterpiece; you'll be surprised where you end up after stringing together a few months of superb days.

I'll leave you with one final thought:

"How wonderful it is that we need not wait a single minute before starting to improve ourselves and our world." ~ Anne Frank

Review - Five Steps to Starting Successfully

1. Start Early
2. Start with Yourself
3. Start Small
4. Start with the End in View
5. Start Now

About the Author

John C. Maxwell is an internationally recognized leadership expert, speaker, and author who has sold over 16 million books. His organizations have trained more than 2 million leaders worldwide. Dr. Maxwell is the founder of EQUIP and INJOY Stewardship Services. Every year he speaks to Fortune 500 companies, international government leaders, and audiences as diverse as the United States Military Academy at West Point, the National Football League, and ambassadors at the United Nations. A New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Business Week best-selling author, Maxwell was named the World's Top Leadership Guru by Leadershipgurus.net. He was also one of only 25 authors and artists named to Amazon.com's 10th Anniversary Hall of Fame. Three of his books, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Developing the Leader Within You, and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader have each sold over a million copies.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Getting Rid of Bitterness

Have you ever been deeply hurt by your spouse? Some of you may be saying, “Yes, again and again and again.” Then chances are you have also felt anger and bitterness toward your spouse. What are you going to do with these strong emotions that won’t seem to go away?

Unexpressed and Uncontrolled Anger
Let’s look at two negative ways and one positive way of responding to anger and bitterness.

First, there is unexpressed anger; holding it inside and letting it smolder. When we do this, the bitterness becomes like a malignant cancer slowly destroying the fiber of life. Then, there is uncontrolled expression of anger. Like an explosion it destroys everything in its range. Such an outburst is like an emotional heart attack and may produce permanent damage.

There is a better way. It begins by saying to yourself, “I’m extremely angry and bitter about what my spouse has done. But I will not allow their wrong to destroy me and I will not attempt to destroy them. I will turn my spouse over to God who is just, and I will release my anger and bitterness to God.” The Biblical challenge is “get rid of anger and bitterness” (Col. 3:8).

Releasing to God
Confess to God that you have held your anger inside and that you are bitter. Ask His forgiveness for handling your anger in a sinful way. Then confess your bitterness to your spouse and ask forgiveness. Find a counselor or trusted friend who can help you release your spouse and your anger to God, in order to live a constructive life in the future. Let me admit that a one time confession of bitterness may not eliminate all hostile feelings. If the bitterness has been there a long time, the hostile feelings may die slowly.

Whose Responsibility?
Paul said, “Never pay back evil for evil... Never take your own revenge, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:17,19). You may have been greatly wronged by your spouse, but it is not your responsibility to punish them for their sin. They must face God with their sin, and God is a just judge. Verbal retaliation accomplishes no constructive purpose. Seeking the good of your mate, which the Bible calls love, has much potential for good.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Hope for the Separated by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - Little Things Do Make Big Differences

If my watch is four minutes slow and I show up for a noon flight at 12:04 p.m., you know what will happen. I have an arrangement with the airlines that says if I'm not there when my flight is scheduled to leave, they leave without me. They have always lived up to their end of the agreement.

Somebody once said that honesty in little things is no little thing. Also, the smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention. How right they are. On the serious side, a little thing can be enormously significant. Retired Brigadier General Robinson Risner was a prisoner of war in North Vietnam for over seven years. He was in solitary confinement for five of those years. He suffered from cold, heat, malnutrition and lack of fresh air. He was totally deprived of any human comfort. He jogged in his cell by the hour. When he became so frustrated he had to scream, he stuffed his underwear in his mouth to muffle the scream. He would not give his captors the satisfaction of knowing his frustration.

One day, in the depths of despair, Gen. Risner lay down on the floor and looked all around his small, rectangular-shaped cell. He put his eye next to the cinder blocks, hoping that there would be a crack in one of them. Fortunately, there was a minute opening and he saw a single leaf. Later he stated that seeing that evidence of life outside was a tremendously uplifting and life-changing event.

When I heard this story most of my complaints in life suddenly fell into context and I resolved to be more appreciative of the many blessings I had, instead of complaining about what I did not have. Fact: The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more you will have to express gratitude for. Being grateful is a winning approach to life. Take it and I will See You At The Top

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Proficiat Rossi, El Campione...

Valentino Rossi, salah satu fenomena dunia pada arena balap motor bergengsi MotoGP, hari minggu kemarin telah mengamankan posisinya sebagai Juara Dunia yang ke 8 kali. Baru ada 3 manusia hebat yang berhasil mencapai prestasi seperti itu yakni Agostini, Doohan dan terakhir Rossi, pemuda kelahiran Italia 29 tahun yang lalu.

Saya tidak mau bicara biografi Rossi. Yang mau saya bahas adalah kebangkitan Rossi dari keterpurukan dalam dua tahun belakangan. Mahkota juara dunia dipegang berturut-turut oleh Nicky Hayden tahun 2006 dan Casey Stoner tahun 2007. Berbagai masalah menimpa motor yang dipakai Rossi oleh membuat dia banyak sekali kesempatan untuk mendapatkan point, akibat motornya yang rusak sehingga tidak bisa mencapai finish.

Keputusan Rossi memilih bergabung dengan Yamaha, yang pada saat Rossi bergabung adalah tim yang sedang terpuruk, merupakan keputusan yang banyak dipertanyakan oleh banyak fans. Dengan gelar juara dunia, team work yang harmonis dengan Honda, motor yang prima, Rossi malah memilih pindah ke team yang tidak lebih baik. Tetapi memang faktor manusia lebih berperan dari buatan tangannya sendiri, Rossi mempertahankan title juaranya dengan motor dan tim yang pada waktu itu tidak lebih baik dari Honda.

Sebetulnya kesempatan untuk berpindah ke team yang lebih baik dengan kompensasi yang lebih tinggi terbuka lebar untuk Rossi pada saat kegagalan mempertahankan trophy juaranya selama dua tahun berturut-turut yang lalu. Komitmen yang luar biasa dengan integritas yang tinggi ditambah talenta menantang Rossi untuk bertahan dan mengatasi semua masalah dan hambatan dibandingkan dengan menyalahkan, menuding dan mengatasi masalah dengan pindah ke team lain. Rossi mengatasi masalah dalam team Yamaha ditengah cercaan dan ledekan bahwa era Rossi sudah tamat. Kekuatan mental juara serta fokus pada tujuan atau wellform outcome-nya membuat Rossi kembali menjadi Juara walaupun rival-rivalnya tetap memiliki motor dan dukungan yang lebih baik darinya.

Rossi, El Campione, PROFICIAT !!!

Salam Damai Sejahtera,

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator
Founder of THE WARRIOR WAYS Training Series
http://www.antonkarya.co.cc
0818922388 / 02132122188

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from XL GPRS network

Pornografi

Kalau saja semua laki-laki diajarkan sedari kecil untuk menghormati dan menghargai ibunya, hal ini pasti akan berkurang dengan sendirinya. Caranya gampang, seberapa penghargaan yang diberikan para suami kepada istri, yang nota bene adalah ibu dari anak2nya, apakah kita benar2 menghargai pengorbanan yang telah diberikan oleh mereka dalam melayani kita dan mengurus anak-anak dan rumah tangga ? Apakah kita sudah melakukan kalibrasi yang tepat dengan istri ?

Kalau saja semua orang diingatkan kembali bahwa tubuh adalah pinjaman sang Pencipta yang harus dipelihara dan dilindungi. Bahwa semua manusia itu setara, laki-laki dan perempuan. Bahwa laki-laki, diberi OTORITAS untuk MELINDUNGI perempuan, bukan untuk MENGUASAI. Laki-laki adalah imam untuk keluarganya, bukan RAJA yang OTORITER. Hidup untuk menyenangkan Tuhan, bukan diri sendiri, bukan untuk pamer. Apa yang mau dipamer, wong semuanya pinjaman yang suatu saat akan diminta pertanggungjawaban. Punya tubuh indah dan sehat adalah ibadah, dirawat dengan hidup teratur dan mendekat minta petunjuk sama YANG PUNYA. Pasti beres.

Salam Damai Sejahtera,

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator
Founder of THE WARRIOR WAYS Training Series
http://www.antonkarya.co.cc
0818922388 / 02132122188

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from XL GPRS network

Salesmanship Corner by Jeff Gitomer - Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most influential of them all? part two of two

Based on an inane statement about how to become a power influencer, purported by an "expert," I decided to clarify the process in detail, so that you could have a shot at becoming one.

Last week's elements of a power influencer included: smart, shrewd, knowledgeable, successful, a winner, full of answers, someone with ideas that work, creative, a thinker, someone with a great reputation, someone with great timing, and someone with a great attitude.

There's a lot to becoming a person of influence. But the rewards will last a lifetime.

Here's the rest of the list.

A power influencer is...

Well read. Influence comes from a combination of thinking and reasoning that's not just based on experience. Reading will help you better understand and clarify your own thinking, even refine your own thinking, and it gives you an additional resource to draw from as you're building your influential base.

Published. For the past 15 years, I have published a weekly article -- more than 800 individual writings that have helped and influenced others in their thinking and in the actions that they take. If you seek to influence, you must do it in a multitude of formats. I promise that if others are influenced by your writing, they will also be influenced by the words you speak.

An author. Write a book that has both influence and prestige. Articles become books. Books become read. And the people who read them will be influenced by the person who wrote them.

Service driven, not sales driven. Salespeople are only able to influence temporarily. Power influencers lead with service and their service leads to sales.

Friendly - well liked. All things being equal, people want to be influenced by their friends. All things being not quite so equal, people still want to be influenced by their friends. While friendly is not always the best case for influence, I believe it is the best case.

Someone who has gained the customer's (other people's) confidence. The more you perform, the more successes you have, and the more wisdom you convey over time, the more confidence others will have in you. Confidence only comes as a result of performance over time.

Tells the truth all the time. You can influence temporarily with a lie. But once the lie is uncovered, you can never influence again.

Gets the job done no matter what. People of influence are also performers. They DO, not just say. They walk their talk. They don't make excuses because they don't have to. They're the one person who is counted on in a time of need. They are reliable and relentless. They don't leave the job until the job is done.

Trusted. All of the already mentioned elements combine to form trust. One of them can break trust. If you lie, trust is gone. If you quit a job in the middle, trust is gone. No one element builds trust. But the lack of one element can destroy it.

Long-term oriented. Influence is determined by relationship and long-term thinking precedes relationship. It's not about your quota. It's not about the end of the month. It's about doing what is best for others over an extended period of time regardless of your self-imposed deadlines.

Not greedy. If there are givers and takers in the world, people of influence are seen as givers. People who are always thinking about or talking about money are not as influential as people who are always talking about ideas and serving others.

"A fit." One of the most powerful but least talked about elements of relationship, trust, and influence is how comfortable people feel with each other, how easy it is to do business with each other, and how natural the relationship is formed. You don't have to force it because it's a fit.

This list contains elements of the IDEAL influencer. All people of influence do not have to have all these qualities, but the more they possess, the greater their power to influence.

NOTE WELL: This list does not contain the words "has money." Having money and being influential are mutually exclusive. Maybe money gives you a slight advantage, but all the other elements outweigh it. By a ton.

While this list only took a few days to compile, it will take you years to master each element of influence. That's the good news for you, if you are dedicated to become a power influencer. Most other people will quit after reading this list. "Too much work," they'll say. "Not worth the effort," they'll whine.

GREAT! More room for you at the top.

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - Moving Up In Life

It has been accurately stated that when you hire somebody smarter than yourself, you prove you are smarter than they are. We can apply that to all areas of ability. The sales manager should strive diligently to hire sales people who are better at selling than he or she is. That way they can share information and they will both be even more effective. Also, by continuing to learn from each sales person, the manager will stay one step ahead of all of them. Exactly the same thing applies in coaching. A good head coach seeks assistant coaches who know more about their specialty than he does and he learns from them. Ditto for managers in manufacturing, engineering, architecture, etc.

Many years ago Lawrence Welk hired an accordionist named Myron Floren. He was considered the best in his profession. When Mr. Welk told his business manager, he became furious. He felt one accordion in the orchestra was enough. Mr. Welk just smiled and said the hiring was firm. The first night the business manager heard Myron play in the orchestra with Lawrence Welk, he told Mr. Welk that the new accordion player was better than he was. Lawrence Welk smiled and confided, "That's the only kind of musician I hire." That's the best way to get to the top. That also helps explain one of the reasons Mr. Welk and his "Champagne Music" spanned four generations of music lovers. Excellence and the commitment to bring your "customers" the best possible "product" are the predictors of long-term success.

The message is clear: All of us can learn and benefit from the knowledge and talent of others. Don't be "intimidated" by someone with a more successful resume' and don't feel superior to someone who's enjoyed less success than you have. Learn from both of them and I'll See You At The Top.

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 26 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Salesmanship Corner by Jeff Gitomer - People of influence are successful. Are you one of them? part one of two

Some idiot (er, I mean expert) wrote: Patience is the key to becoming a Power Influencer. Skilled influencers are patient; they pace their arguments, and 'exhaust' them one at a time. It's far better to secure agreement incrementally, step by step, reason by reason, than to unleash a torrent of reasons in one fell swoop. Stacking your reasons inevitably means that some will get neglected, and it gives the other person the opportunity to choose to focus on the weakest reason and ignore the stronger ones. One reason at a time ensures that each one gets its fair share of attention.

Huh?

If you are looking to become a person of influence to your customer, patience may be the only element NOT on the list. Which got me thinking (whenever I read, see, or hear something dumb, or even inadequate, I always think, "How can I make this better." Or in this case, what IS on the list of becoming a 'power influencer?'

Are you seeking more influence with your customers? With your boss? With your prospects? With your connections? With your associates and co-workers?

Have you ever thought about what elements go into being an influential person?

Here is the list, BUT don't just read it - compare yourself and your skill levels to it, so that you can develop your understanding AND your status at the same time.

A power influencer is:

Smart. A person who can reason, and be reasonable. A person who can think in terms of answers, rather than fret over circumstances. Someone who sees the big picture, rather than the immediate urgency.

Shrewd. Beyond smart, a shrewd person sees an answer and a game plan to implement it. And the implementation is seen in favor of the other, rather than in favor of themselves. It doesn't mean that you give up your winnings (earning, commission, money), it does mean that everyone wins, not just you.

Knowledgeable. Beyond smart, a knowledgeable person knows what's going on in detail. Product knowledge, service knowledge, and experience. Not just how to work it - but how to use it to profit and produce.

Successful. A person who has completed tasks successfully, and had successful outcomes. a person who let's their record speak for them.

A Winner. A person whose history shows they know how to win, and they've won more often than they've lost.

Full of Answers. Influencers do not always push. Often they are called upon because an answer is needed, and the caller has confidence or faith that the influencer knows the right answer, and knows the best answer.

Someone with ideas that work. Ideas based on past experience, ideas based on best possible answer, and ideas based on a firm understanding of the circumstance, will create influence enough to be accepted and implemented.

Creative. Creativity is the mother of ideas. A creative person has studied creativity and combined it with the brainpower to never be at a loss of thought in any situation.

A thinker. Most people never spend time thinking. That's why most people are not power influencers. Thinkers are also observers. They don't just talk -- they look, they think, they reason, and then they respond.

Someone with a GREAT reputation. If you seek to become a person of influence, other people will have to corroborate your credentials and your credibility. You may think you're a person of influence but in the end it's not what you think, it's what others think and what others say about you.

Someone with great timing. Knows when to hold 'em. Knows when to fold 'em.

Someone with a great attitude. I don't think you can influence at the same time you're whining and complaining. And maybe you should substitute the words power influence with the words positive influence.

Well, that's the end of part ONE. Yes, there are several more elements to being a "power influencer," and I will reveal them all next week.

How are you doing so far? More complicated than you thought? Relax - you're not alone. Rereading and rating yourself on each element will give you a realistic picture of your present power to influence.

PLEASE NOTE WELL. There is nothing on this list about using sales tactics or closing techniques. No need to. Power influencers do not close sales; they create the desire for the customer to BUY.

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - Champions Produce Champions

Every football fan in America knows the name and many accomplishments of Lou Holtz, former Head Football Coach at Notre Dame University. Lou was at Notre Dame for ten years. He produced one national championship team and came within a whisper of repeating on several other occasions. During his tenure, at least eight of his assistant coaches went on to head coaching jobs at other universities. Many people probably think that Lou had "given up his best and brightest" coaches. They must wonder how he continued to turn out such marvelous teams, despite losing his best coaches.

The answer is that he continued to produce great teams because he had given up his best coaches. Lou unhesitatingly encouraged his assistants to live their dreams and accept head coaching positions when offered. As a result, many of the brightest and best young assistant coaches all over America wanted to go to Notre Dame and coach under Lou Holtz. They recognized him as a great football coach and people person. They also appreciated the fact that he had a tremendous ability to recognize coaching and athletic talent. These talented, young assistant coaches knew that Lou would teach them a great deal. They also knew that he would help them turn their head coaching dreams into reality.

Lou Holtz proves that you can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want. Lou knew that with each splendid, new assistant coach he brought in he laid the foundation for success. He also knew that new coaches have leads in high schools near their former colleges. This was often a tremendous recruiting tool.

Yes, it really does work. The go-givers frequently get more than the go-getters - or is it simply that go-givers have the best approach to getting? Think about it, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Salesmanship Corner by Dave Kahle - How do I get the prospect to give me an answer when I provide a quote?

Q. Giving quotes. Client (prospect) seems interested but never gets back to you.

A. I'm assuming that the question here is, "How do I get the prospect to give me an answer when I provide a quote?" This is one of the most common frustrations for salespeople.

Before I get into it, let's examine our expectations. Let's say that now, out of every 10 quotes that you deliver, three people get back to you, and two buy. You are very frustrated with the other seven, because you can't seem to get a response.

Realize that without a radical change in the way you do business, you are always going to have some people fall into the category of "not responding" to your follow ups. So, if you can change your results to something like five out of the ten people getting back to you, and three actually buying, you will have made a significant impact on your results. You're still going to be frustrated with the five that don't respond, but you will have dramatically improved your performance.

In order to do that, let's consider why a prospect would seem interested, but would not get back to you following your delivery of a quote. Here are a few possibilities.

1. He was never interested in the first place, and asked for a price as a way of getting rid of you.

2. He was mildly interested in checking on the price he is currently paying from his preferred vendor. He never had any interest in buying it from you, he was just collecting information.

3. At the time you were there, he was mildly interested. But now, too many other more important things have occupied his time.

4. Your price wasn't very appealing, and you didn't give him any other reason to buy it from you.

5. He just doesn't have the time to fool with you.

6. Because you are the unknown vendor, doing business with you is just too high a risk.

I could go on and on with these scenarios, but you get the idea. There are a virtually unlimited number of reasons why he isn't getting back with you – many of which don't have anything to do with you.

The solution to this problem and the answer to your question is, unfortunately, much larger and more complex than I have space to write the answer.

Everyone wants the simple, easy answer. "Give me the five words that I can say, Dave, that will get people to return my calls." Frankly, very little of the salesperson's job can be reduced to simple, easy solutions.

Ultimately, the answer is to do a better job at every aspect of selling: identifying high–potential suspects, qualifying prospects and opportunities, understanding them better, more effectively presenting your solutions, adequately addressing their concerns, etc. In our Kahle Way® B2B Selling System, it's about 32 hours of training spread over a year.

But, we don't have that much time in this article. So, here are a couple of ideas that you may want to implement, in no particular sequence.

1. Don't provide a quote unless the prospect agrees to talk with you about it, either at the time that you deliver it, or shortly thereafter. So, if he says, for example, "Can you quote me X?" You say, "Sure. I can have the quote to you by the 15th. When should we get together to discuss it?"

If he won't make a commitment to talk with you, even if it is just over the phone, then he's not serious enough about the quote to warrant you investing time in it. Tell him you'll pass on this one, and will look forward to an opportunity that is important to both of you.

2. Don't allow the prospect to make the conversation solely about price. I'm not sure I'd quote a price in the first or second meeting with a prospect. If I do, then he is judging me and my offering solely on the price. I'd like for him to understand the strengths and advantages of my product/service, and what we can do for him and his company. I'd like to uncover some area of pain, and show him how my product/service/company can make that pain go away.

All of that takes a pretty in–depth interaction with your prospect, and dramatically increases the likelihood that he'll seriously consider your offer.

When you deliver a price in the first meeting, you are, in effect, saying to the customer that there is no other reason to do business with you other than price. That puts you into the class of "peddlers" whose only contribution to their customers is to advocate for lower prices from their companies.

If you see ten prospects, and leave ten prices, you have interacted with the prospect at the most superficial level, demonstrating to him that you are not important enough for him to seriously consider your offer.

3. Do a better job of qualifying the prospect.

If he doesn't have any real burning issue that your offer can address, he's probably not going to spend any time seriously considering your deal. You must therefore, make sure that the prospect has a significant reason for considering your offer.

That means that you must do a better job of qualifying the prospect and uncovering the depth of the opportunity before you leave a quote. Read my new book, Question Your Way to Sales Success, to gain some ideas of how to do this more effectively.

Good luck.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Understanding Personality Differences

We often hear of personality clashes. If we are going to understand each other, we must identify our personality differences.

The Peacemaker
Let's take a look at the peacemaker. This is the calm, slow, easy-going, well-balanced personality. This person is typically pleasant, doesn’t like conflicts, seldom seems ruffled, and rarely expresses anger. The peacemaker has emotions, but does not easily reveal them. In a marriage the peacemaker wants calm, tends to ignore conflicts, and avoids arguments at all costs.

The down side of this personality is that conflicts are often left unresolved. If they do get into an argument, the peacemaker will try to calm the other person by giving in even if he does not agree. They are kindhearted, sympathetic and want everybody just to enjoy life.

The Controller
What about someone who has a controlling personality? The controller is the quick, active, practical, strong-willed person. They tend to be self-sufficient, independent, decisive, and opinionated. Finding it easy to make decisions for their self, they often make decisions for other people as well.

Problems are seen as challenges to the controller. They have dogged determination and do not sympathize easily with others. The controller does not easily express compassion or warm emotions. While controllers typically accomplish much in life, they often run over others who stand in their way. If one has a strong controlling personality, he or she will likely need help in understanding how their actions affect others.

The Party Maker
Next, let's look at the party maker. This is the warm, lively, excited personality. For this person, all of life is a party. The party maker enjoys people, does not like solitude, and is at their best when surrounded by friends.

The downside of this personality is that others often see them as undependable and undisciplined. They are so much into the moment that they often forget previous commitments. If you are married to a party maker – enjoy the ride – and, ask your spouse how you might help them keep life on track.

The Journey Toward Harmony
The reason it is so important to understand personality types is that we tend to seek to meet our psychological and spiritual needs in keeping with our personality. If we understand the role that personality plays in motivating our behavior, we will understand each other better. Understanding leads to greater harmony in relationships.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Desperate Marriages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Relationship Corner with Dr. Gary Chapman - When Your Adult Child Is Not Succeeding

The poor decisions of your adult children can often bring great stress into your life. One of the first questions parents often ask is, “What did we do wrong?” That is not a bad question, because if you did wrong, it’s time to confess and ask forgiveness of your adult child. Honest confession may open the door to a renewed relationship.

On the other hand, you are not responsible for the decisions of your adult child. You may not have been a perfect parent, but now that they are adults, they must accept responsibility for their own actions. You can help them. You can encourage them. But you cannot take responsibility for their decisions. They must suffer the consequences of their behavior if they are to change.

Get on Track
Often parents feel guilty for past failures and allow an adult child to manipulate them and give in to unreasonable demands. But the fact is that you may be hurting more than helping. The more dependent your child becomes, the worse they will feel about themselves.

When you withhold funds, they may find the motivation they need to look for work. When they work, they begin to feel better about themselves. If you and your spouse cannot agree on a strategy for helping your child, then perhaps you need to talk to a pastor or counselor who can help you be objective. It’s worth the time and effort to get on a positive track. They need to see that you have their best interests in mind.

Should We Agree?
One of the first steps is seeking to understand the young person’s point of view. This requires a willingness to ask questions, and then to listen with a view to understanding what is going on in the mind of the child. This is a bridge that many parents find difficult to cross. Remember that we don’t have to agree with our children in order to affirm their ideas. It is such affirming realism that helps young adults mature.

Uniting with Your Spouse
If you are struggling with the behavior of your adult child, it is essential that you and your spouse talk with each other. When the two of you have agreed on a strategy, then stand by each other as you talk with your adult child. It is a united front, shared with love and firmness that convinces the young adult that he is at a crossroads in life. Your togetherness helps both of you to handle your frustration, and your marriage has a chance to grow stronger.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Parenting Your Adult Child by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Service in Your Family

In Bill Bennett’s bestselling The Book of Virtues, he lists work as one of the top ten virtues. Most historians agree that Western culture was built on the work ethic. In the family, much work needs to be done. Clothes must be washed, beds need to be made, food has to be prepared, trash must be stashed. Animals must be fed, cars must be washed, and grass must be mowed.

Who does all of this work in your family? Ideally it is shared by the husband, wife, and children. But the more important question is “With what attitude do you work?” If the road to greatness is serving others, then such work gives me a chance to aspire to greatness.

The Desire to Serve
In a healthy family, members have the sense that as they do something for the benefit of other family members, they are doing something genuinely good - almost noble. Individuals have an internal desire to serve, and an emotional sense of satisfaction with a job done for others. In a highly functional family, there develops the sense that service to others is one of life’s highest callings.

I believe that such an attitude of service must begin with the parents. If Dad is doing things to make Mom’s life easier, and Mom is serving Dad, it won’t be long until the kids want to get in on the fun. For those who don’t know where to start, let me suggest the following question: “What could I do for you this evening?”

The Hallmark of Greatness
In every vocation, those who truly excel are those who have a genuine desire to serve others. The most notable physicians view their vocation as a calling to serve the sick and diseased. Truly great politicians see themselves as “public servants." The greatest of all educators seeks to help the student reach his or her potential.

It is no different in the family. It is in giving our lives to each other that we all become winners. The scriptures say, “Give and it shall be given unto you.” They never say, “Demand and people will do what you demand.” The fact is, most people do not respond well to demands. But few people will reject loving service.

The hallmark of greatness is not the accumulation of wealth, nor the gaining of powerful positions. The hallmark of greatness is service to others.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The Family You've Always Wanted: Five Ways You Can Make it Happen by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner by Dave Kahle - Seven Ways to Build Rapport with Anyone

Building rapport with customers is like squirting oil into gears. Imagine some gears grinding together. When you squirt lubricating oil into the gears, you reduce the friction and make everything work smoother.

So it is when two people interact with each other. Rapport, like lubricating oil, reduces the friction and makes the interaction work smoother. For a salesperson, creating rapport with any human being is an essential step that enables the customer to feel comfortable and leads to a much more effective sales interaction. The best salespeople create rapport with everyone.

Here's the dictionary definition:

Rapport : An emotional bond or friendly relationship between people based on mutual liking, trust and a sense that they understand and share each other's concerns.

Fortunately, creating that sense of understanding and mutual trust is a skill which has been studied through the ages. Here are seven proven ways to build rapport with anyone.

1. Pay attention to your appearance.

People will form an impression of you, based on how you look, before they even say hello to you. Your appearance, then, should be designed to help you look confident and competent – whatever that means in your market. At a minimum, that means clothes clean and pressed, shoes shined and hair cut.

Your attire should help you connect with the customer – not separate you from him. For example, if you are calling on production supervisors, you ought not to wear a suit and tie, as that will separate you from them, and generate a bit of discomfort in them.

The best rule I've seen is this: Dress like your customer, only a little better. On several occasions, I have worked with sales forces who sold to farmers. Blue jeans and flannel shirts are OK, as long as they are clean and pressed blue jeans, and a better quality flannel shirt.

But what if you call on several different types of customers in the same day? One salesperson shared his approach to this problem. He wore grey slacks, a blue button-down collar shirt, and a navy blazer. When he called on managers and executives, he dressed it up by putting on a tie. And, when he called on people who weren't in the executive suite, he dressed it down by removing the blazer and the tie.

2. Try an occasional bit of disarming honesty

In routine interchanges, say something that the customer is not expecting. For example, when he says, "How are you?" instead of the perfunctory "Fine," try something like this: "Honestly, my day didn't get off to a good start. One of the kids was sick this morning, and I was a half hour late getting out of the house. How are you?"

It's disarming because it was unexpected. And, it's honest, reveals something about you, and describes a situation with which almost everyone can relate. A good way to build rapport.

3. Humor

If you are one of those people who can make most people laugh most of the time, then you are equipped with a powerful rapport–building asset. There is something about laughing together that breaks down some of the barriers between people and removes some of the tension. It's a great way to build rapport.

If you are not one of those people so gifted, then it's better to stay away from this. Telling a joke that nobody gets, or having a glib comment being seen as sarcastic or caustic is NOT a good way to build rapport.

4. Use a sincere complement

Everyone likes to be complemented. When you sincerely complement a customer (or his company), you communicate that you are interested in him/her, that you have noticed something they do that stands out, and that you aren't afraid to say something complementary. Those are all good things.

Not so long ago, I entered a prospect's office building for the first time. The lobby was quite dramatic, with a two story atrium, and a soaring piece of sculpture. When he came down to meet me, I immediately told him that the lobby was very impressive, and that I felt very comfortable and a bit inspired because of it. We chatted for a few minutes about it and I then followed him to his office, having achieved some rapport.

5. Ask a perceptive question

A perceptive question, asked with sincerity, does everything that a complement does and then some. When the complement doesn't call for any response from the customer, a question does. If done correctly, it can initiate the conversation and help the customer feel like you are interested and care about him.

In the previous situation, for example, I could have said, "Was it designed to create that kind of feel? "

6. Indicate a personal connection

If you have something in common with the customer, mention it. You don't have to beat it to death, just mention it. When the customer discovers that you both know the same person, went to the same school, vacationed in the same place, or belong to the same organization, he realizes that you are alike in some ways. It's easier to do business with someone who is like you.

7. Tell a short personal story

It doesn't have to be a major digression, but a short story about something personal is a great rapport builder. Something like this:

"Boy, I had a hard time getting here on time. I must have run over some glass or something sharp, because about half way here, my right front tire went flat. Took me a while to change it. Glad I made it on time."

That's short, it's personal, and it's a bit transparent because it reveals something about you, as a human being. And, it's something to which everyone can relate.

Building rapport is a science with proven practices and tactics. Use any of these techniques and watch your ability to create rapport improve, and thereby smooth out the way to more sales.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Physical Intimacy in Marriage Part 2 of 2

Men and women are similar, yet vastly different. That was God’s design. In the sexual area of life, God also made us different.

The Desire For Intimacy
Men are stimulated by sight. The female is far more stimulated by tender touch, affirming words, and acts of thoughtfulness. That is why many wives have said, “Sex doesn’t begin in the bedroom. It begins in the kitchen. It doesn’t start at night. It starts in the morning.” The way she is treated and spoken to throughout the day will have a profound effect upon her desire for sexual intimacy.

I’m convinced that if husbands would follow the Biblical admonition to “dwell with their wives according to knowledge” (I Peter 3:7), they would discover the sexual intimacy which God designed marriage to provide.

The Effect On Family
Intimacy between the husband and wife spills over into the rest of family life. If intimacy is missing in the marital relationship, it will likely be distorted in parent-child relationships and in sibling relationships. In healthy families, husbands and wives make their marriage top priority. Intimacy between a husband and wife not only serves their own needs, but provides the highest level of emotional security for children.

It is my own commitment to this principle that has led me to invest the bulk of my time and energy in the field of marriage enrichment. Both my writing and my seminars focus on the marital relationship.

I am fully convinced that my greatest contribution to the children of this generation lies in helping their mothers and fathers build intimate marriages. It was God who said the two are to become “one flesh." In this reality, marriage finds its highest purpose.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The Family You've Always Wanted: Five Ways You Can Make it Happen by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner by Zig Ziglar - Harvard Business School - The Class Of 1949

On August 28, 1994, "Pinnacle," a feature of CNN Business News, ran a fascinating story about the Harvard Business School Class of 1949. The Class of 1949 is widely recognized as the most outstanding business school class in the history of Harvard University. The "Pinnacle" staff was present at the 45th reunion of the class. Here is their profile:

Most of them came from very modest circumstances. Nearly half of the class became CEO's and Chairmen or Chief Operating Officers of their companies. Eighty-six percent of these men served in World War II and two-thirds of them worked their whole business career in one company. Most of them were married for over forty years to their only wife and they had a sense of self that was clear and down-to-earth. Their "rootedness" was impressive and they were hard workers. They acknowledged that a degree of luck was involved, but I believe it's safe to say that the harder they worked, the luckier they got. As a group they were risk-takers, not gamblers. In a risk-averse world they were willing to assume intelligent risks.

'49er Marvin Traub, former Chairman of Bloomingdale's, said he made important decisions based on the question, "How would I feel if it was on the front page of The New York Times?" The consensus was strong that none of them would have been successful if they had not been ethical. They believed that if people didn't trust them, there would have been no way for them to advance. They trained themselves to be knowledgeable, dedicated and patient. They practiced good values, securing success and happiness in life. Correspondent Beverly Schuch said, "One is struck with the utter ordinariness of this extraordinary group. They are more thoughtful than boastful and wear their success like an old pair of shoes." Sounds like a good blueprint for success to me. I encourage you to buy their approach to life and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 26 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.