Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Understanding Personality Differences

We often hear of personality clashes. If we are going to understand each other, we must identify our personality differences.

The Peacemaker
Let's take a look at the peacemaker. This is the calm, slow, easy-going, well-balanced personality. This person is typically pleasant, doesn’t like conflicts, seldom seems ruffled, and rarely expresses anger. The peacemaker has emotions, but does not easily reveal them. In a marriage the peacemaker wants calm, tends to ignore conflicts, and avoids arguments at all costs.

The down side of this personality is that conflicts are often left unresolved. If they do get into an argument, the peacemaker will try to calm the other person by giving in even if he does not agree. They are kindhearted, sympathetic and want everybody just to enjoy life.

The Controller
What about someone who has a controlling personality? The controller is the quick, active, practical, strong-willed person. They tend to be self-sufficient, independent, decisive, and opinionated. Finding it easy to make decisions for their self, they often make decisions for other people as well.

Problems are seen as challenges to the controller. They have dogged determination and do not sympathize easily with others. The controller does not easily express compassion or warm emotions. While controllers typically accomplish much in life, they often run over others who stand in their way. If one has a strong controlling personality, he or she will likely need help in understanding how their actions affect others.

The Party Maker
Next, let's look at the party maker. This is the warm, lively, excited personality. For this person, all of life is a party. The party maker enjoys people, does not like solitude, and is at their best when surrounded by friends.

The downside of this personality is that others often see them as undependable and undisciplined. They are so much into the moment that they often forget previous commitments. If you are married to a party maker – enjoy the ride – and, ask your spouse how you might help them keep life on track.

The Journey Toward Harmony
The reason it is so important to understand personality types is that we tend to seek to meet our psychological and spiritual needs in keeping with our personality. If we understand the role that personality plays in motivating our behavior, we will understand each other better. Understanding leads to greater harmony in relationships.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Desperate Marriages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.