Salesmanship Corner by Zig Ziglar - Fixing Problems

Question: Can you remember a day when you did not have some "problem," irritation, disappointment, defeat or set-back of some kind? It might be having to make an unexpected stop at the service station because your mate drove your car and neglected to refill it. Or maybe your boss gave you incomplete information on an important project and now you have to start all over.

The big issue is not the problems; they're part of life. The issue is how to handle the problems. Do you let a simple problem dictate to you how you should behave the rest of the day, even to the way you deal with other people? Sometimes that's hard to do, but ask yourself the question, "What real difference does this make in my life tonight, or even in the morning?" In most cases you'll realize that it really doesn't matter. With that in mind, you'll be able to forget the problem of the moment and move on.

Conclusion: You can take control of your own thoughts, actions and emotions, which means you can take control of your life. The best way to deal with problems is to re-order your thinking and see them as opportunities to grow or mature. It also helps to remember that if there were no problems in your job, chances are good you would not be needed. Chances are also good that the greater the difficulties, the greater the need for you to be there to handle them. That's the reason you're on the payroll. Think about it, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Salesmanship Corner by Jeff Gitomer - Which way do I go to find success?

It's amazing how many emails I get from people, telling me that I can be a success if I just do it their way and pay them a bunch of money. The reason these people succeed with “do it my way” ideas, is that most unsuccessful people don't have the confidence to do it on their own, or they have no game plan to do it on their own, and figure, “Well, if that guy did it, maybe I can do it.”

And the people who “pay for success” begin to reach for money based on greed, rather than earning money based on love. More often than not, they fail at the process, and blame the guy that sold them the formula, or the formula itself.

When you reach for success and can’t quite get there, it’s a lesson and an adventure – not a failure. If you consider it a failed attempt, FIRST look at your attitude

Let me give you my formula for success -- at no charge:
1. Find something to do, that you believe in, and that you love.
2. Dedicate the time that it takes to become a world-class expert at it. NOTE: I was taught long ago that there are three kinds of experts: an expert, a world-class expert, and THE world-class expert. In order to get where you want to go, in order to become successful, you have to be at least a world-class expert.
3. You have to believe in yourself, and let no one else around you shake that belief. 4. You have to wake up every morning with an attitude of YES!, and have it be strong enough to shake off the NOs.
And, if you have all of those elements…
4.5 You must then be willing to work hard. Not just “do whatever it takes,” but actually see the vision of completion and fulfillment, and work hard towards that with all your heart, every day.

SUCCESS FORMULA RECAP: If you love it, if you believe in it, if you believe in yourself, and you're willing to work your butt off, you can march to success, doing it YOUR way.

Okay. I just gave you the formula. Why aren’t you moving on it? Why aren’t you jumping at it?

I’ll tell you why:
• I haven’t told you the story about how I came upon this theory.
• I haven’t shown you any proof that my way works.
• You want more details of “how.”
• You have no idea what you want to do.
• You have no idea of what you would love to do.
• You are unwilling to take the risk (a form of low belief).
• You are unwilling to chance not having rent or car payment money.
• You don’t really want it that bad.

I have discovered that most people have little or no real passion for what they do every day. They’re dreaming about success in other ways than the opportunity at their feet. (Maybe it’s time to read or re-read, “Acres of Diamonds” by Russell Conwell.)

Your success will not be achieved with someone else’s formula, UNLESS the product or service they’re involved with matches your passion.

The success formula your looking for is within you. All you have to do to find it is arrange some personal alone time to think about it and discover it. It may involve shutting off the TV for a while. It may involve reading or writing – or a combination of all these elements.

Once you have the idea, you have to make a plan. Not just a plan to execute, a plan to clarify your thinking and smooth out the details before you leap into action – full force (the only way to take action).

One more element: Courage. The guts and fortitude to start, continue, stay the course, make it happen, and celebrate the victory.

You create the idea, you create the plan, you make the map, you develop the passion, you take the first step, and you march to success.

You have known of the lessons since the first time you watched Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. If you have brains, heart, courage, and the unyielding desire to get to Oz, success is yours.

You don’t need to be a wizard, but you do need to be smart.

If you want another viewpoint, go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time visitor, and enter the words MY SUCCESS in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Little Red Book of Selling and eight other business books on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts Internet training programs on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development at www.trainone.com. Jeffrey conducts more than 100 personalized, customized seminars and keynotes a year. To find out more, visit www.gitomer.com. Jeffrey can be reached at 704.333.1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Destructive Responses to Anger

There are two equally devastating responses to anger: explosion and implosion. We may think that one is more destructive than the other, but the truth is implosive anger can be as damaging as explosive anger.

Remember, anger itself is not sinful. Paul said, “Being angry, sin not.” That is the challenge - to control our response to anger.

Explosive Anger
Explosive anger expresses itself in two modes: words and actions. Verbal abuse and physical abuse are now household words in America. Uncontrolled anger is at the root of all such abuse.

Some people pride themselves on “speaking their mind,” but the first step is in admitting that such verbal explosions are not healthy. They are not loving, kind, tender, or caring. Anger needs to be processed, but not by verbally abusive explosions.

A Story of Accountability
Harvey was a man of action. When he got angry, he was quick to fight.

Within six months of being married to Judy, Harvey pushed her against the wall. She knew that his behavior was wrong, so she wrote him a letter and mailed it to his office telling him that she loved him. She said in the letter that she didn’t think that he meant to hurt her, but that if he ever touched her again in an angry way that she would leave until she was assured by a counselor that it was safe to live with him again.

Judy is doing the hard work of love. She is holding Harvey accountable for his sinful behavior. Since she is taking this action early in their marriage, she will probably be the person God uses to help Harvey deal with his destructive response to anger.

Implosive Anger
Some Christians who would deplore explosive anger fail to realize that implosive anger is as destructive in the long run. Whereas explosive anger begins with rage and may quickly turn to violence, implosive anger begins with silence and withdrawal but in time leads to resentment, bitterness, and eventually hatred.

Those who practice an implosive method of responding to anger often begin by denying that they are angry at all. But anger does not die with denial. Internalized anger will often express itself in passive-aggressive behavior. The person is passive on the outside, trying to give the appearance that nothing is wrong, but eventually the anger is expressed in other ways.

Examine your own negative behavior and see if it is rooted in anger. This is why the Scriptures tell us get rid of anger before the sun goes down.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Anger by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner by Laura Laaman - Your Bad Words May Backfire During a Bad Economy

"How's business?" one attendee asked another at a networking event.

"This economy is killing me. We've got people canceling right and left and trying to get prospects to buy anything isn't happening -- things better turn around fast."

The above exchange was real. Although we can probably all agree with the sentiments of the salesperson -- fuel prices through the roof, unemployment creeping up and low consumer confidence -- talking about these facts can make your personal economy worse. The person who asked, "How's business?" very likely could have been a prospect. Ouch!

So what's wrong with telling the truth? A lot! No one (I repeat no one) wants to hear doom and gloom -- especially not someone who might want to do business with you.

Could there be anyone worse to share the misery with than a potential prospect? Well you might think your manager or boss tops the list, and you're right to think they don't want to hear this bad news (and by the way, they already know about these conditions). What they want to hear is that although times are challenging, you will prevail. They want to hear that you're doing things to produce the results they pay you for. But the person who is most adversely impacted by this negative naysaying is you!

By even thinking negative thoughts, forget saying them, you put yourself in a mental state of failure. You subconsciously tell yourself the odds are against you, and you are doomed to fail. I'm sure you know that both positive and negative energy are contagious. Your actions reflect your thoughts and people will consciously or unconsciously detect your outlook. Ask yourself would you rather buy from someone who acts desperately to stay afloat or from someone who is convinced of the benefits of his product? From someone who complains about the economy or from someone who makes any economy work for him and his clients?

People want to do business with winners. The average person, including businesspeople, takes great security in doing business with successful businesses. If you've ever purchased something from a person or company that has gone out of business, you know what a pain that can be. Minimally it's going to cost you extra time calling or physically running around to find another service agent. Worse is when you find out that the product can't be supported at all. There are two simple yet powerful ways that you communicate that you're a winner or not, that you're thriving or struggling in this economy: verbally --your choice of words and nonverbally - your choice of dress.

So, better ways to answer "How's business?":

"Our new marketing campaign is really taking off" or "Our new marketing campaign is bringing us lots of new customers." (You don't have to mention that your "new marketing campaign" is you making dozens of cold calls each day.)

"We're growing market share?"

"Even with rising costs, we've been able to maintain our current pricing."

Hopefully you can also say, "Customers are raving about our new product." If you can't, assuming your product is a good one, solicit positive responses from your customers. This can be done early in the manufacturing process, even before your product has been officially released with a small focus group. It can also be done after your customers have enjoyed and benefited from your product. Once you have obtained these glowing kudos, share them on a regular and consistent basis with customers and prospects.

Why go through this bother? Because people are innately followers. Prospects are drawn to successful businesses and typically follow the positive experiences of others. Successful businesspeople take responsibility for obtaining positive messages and passing them along.

These positive messages will also cheer you up and help you create your own economic boom.

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - ...Prevention - The Best "Cure" For Addiction

Former drug czar William Bennett says there are some things we can do to prevent our kids from ever experimenting with drugs. He says that children who have good lines of communication with their parents, who attend church regularly and engage in extracurricular activities (sports, band, debating team, etc.) seldom try drugs. He also encourages us to keep the kids busy and to remind them that they are moral and spiritual beings. He says to tell them that drug abuse is a degradation of character and the spirit, something not worthy of them.

Drug authority Dr. Forest Tennant adds a couple of significant thoughts. He says that order in a person's life is most helpful. He recommends structure and a schedule centered around positive activities. Things like meals with the family, a regular time to go to bed and to get up, and a definite time to study are very helpful to young people. He also points out that you can teach kids what you know, but you will reproduce what you are. If you experiment with drugs, chances are much higher that your child will experiment with drugs and perhaps become an addict.

Specifically, Dr. Tennant says if your child sees you drinking beer or cocktails, as far as they're concerned you're taking something to reframe your thinking. They will view that as desirable and the concept of drug use becomes acceptable to them. Dr. Tennant points out that tobacco and alcohol are invariably the entrance drugs to illegal drugs. This is reinforced by a September 15, 1989, issue of US NEWS & WORLD REPORT which states that there is seldom, if ever, a case of a person getting involved in illegal drugs who did not start with tobacco and/or alcohol.

William Bennett's suggestions, combined with Dr. Tennant's thoughts, are marvelous guidelines and something for every parent to consider. Think about it, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Salesmanship Corner by Jeff Gitomer - Help, we’re growing! Help, the market is changing! Help! Change.

When big companies make moves, the results are felt by the people who helped make them big, or helped keep them big, or helped them get bigger. Whether it’s the economy, or a merger, or a “change in comp plan” (aka: reduction in pay), or the introduction of a new product, things change every day in the business world.

In the sales world, things change even faster than that whether your company is big or small.

I want to address some of the elements of change, show the reality of it, and in the process rename the situation to one that is more easily understood by those on the receiving end. You.

Change comes about either by greed, or by taking advantage of opportunity, or by corporate growth, or by evolution to a better way, or by outside economic forces, or from internal economic conditions, or to appease Wall Street (cut costs and increase earnings), or by modernization, or by innovation. And did I mention greed?

Reality bites: “We had to make some tough decisions,” means a hammer is about to fall. “Today we are announcing the merger of…,” means everyone will be in panic mode about their job.

Change brought about by the reasons stated above often brings about a lowered morale inside the company -- especially if management is not communicating well. Low morale also leads to lower productivity, lack of service response, and ultimately, a loss of customers.

Here are a few ways to look at change.

On the bright side:
Change is refinement.
Change is growth.
Change is movement.
Change is acquiring.
Change is upgrading.
Change is opportunity.

On the dark side
Change is eliminating.
Change is terminating.
Change is hiding or avoiding truth.
Change is disappointing.
Change is scary.
Change is morale busting.

In order to be most effective, and have a positive outcome, change must be communicated by leadership in a straight-forward way – not downsize or right-size – it’s layoff and job elimination – and then state the REAL reason – not making enough profit – duplication of title in a merger – lack of sales. Unfortunately, this is rarely done.

Some people are “waiting to see what happens.” Big mistake.

Here is the reality, the remedy, and a few personal rules to help you react to change:
Keep your attitude UP: Rather than “this sucks,” make a plan for what can be done. Make a plan for what you can do. If nothing can be done, or what can be done falls short of your ideals, make a plan to get out.
Keep your thoughts focused on doing your BEST: HINT: In mergers or slower economic times, companies keep their BEST people. Be your best. Instead of “waiting to see what happens,” decide to be your best, ask how you can help, and lead the charge. Set a positive example, and work as hard as you can, so that whatever happens, you’ll always be able to say you did your best until the last minute of the last day.
Keep your mind open to other possibilities: What would you really like to do? Why aren’t you doing that anyway?
Stay away from -- don’t get involved in -- politics and pity parties: Odds are that if you’re dissatisfied with what is happening, so are others. Stay away from groaners, whiners, and other assorted non-solution-oriented people. Waste of your time and energy.
Don’t lose faith. Your outlook on what could or should happen will determine your willingness to work hard now. Faith in yourself and your circumstance will carry the day. Change happens daily. Don’t get nervous – get excited. No matter what happens, the sun will come up tomorrow. Fear of the unknown is always greater than fear of the known. There are no easy answers when you’re in the heat of the fire. Follow your heart, and your wallet will catch up.

NOTE WELL: If you have a family, meet with them and get their ideas and their support. Your family wants the best for you. Talk to them. Get closer to the people you love in times of transition.

BIG AHA! When there is market upheaval, economic uncertainty, or merger, people tend to look inward and ask themselves, “Is my job safe?” and take the appropriate steps to play internal politics or waste their day(s) making sure all is well. The biggest vulnerability in uncertain times is NOT your job – it’s your customers. They are the revenue source that will ultimately provide your job security. Don’t guard your job – guard your customers. Serve them memorably. Sell them more. Keep them loyal. And earn referrals from them.

If you want “change insurance” or “change assurance,” it does not come from your boss. It comes from your customers. Guard them with your life.

I have a list of ideas that will give you a few more action steps to help you cope and thrive. Go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time visitor, and enter the word CHANGE in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Little Red Book of Selling and eight other business books on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts Internet training programs on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development at www.trainone.com. Jeffrey conducts more than 100 personalized, customized seminars and keynotes a year. To find out more, visit www.gitomer.com. Jeffrey can be reached at 704.333.1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - Dress Up And You'll Feel "Up"

The scene was a beauty contest at the Heritage Manor South Nursing Home in Shreveport, Louisiana. The youngest contestant was 67, the oldest 91. I was the escort for my sister-in-law who, at the time, was 73.

I've never been behind the scenes of a beauty contest before, but this one created incredible excitement. At four p.m. the residents gathered for an early evening meal so they could properly prepare for the seven o'clock beauty contest. Promptly at five o'clock the thirteen contestants headed for the beauty shop where the resident beautician worked her magic. The ladies then retired to their rooms to dress in their best. Later, they gathered in the "holding room" to prepare for their grand entrance.

There was a feeling of anticipation. Some of the contestants sat quietly, others were nervously laughing and talking with each other. Each time anyone commented on how beautiful they looked, the contestants glowed with delight. There was much discussion about who was going to win.

Finally, the contest was on and all too quickly it was over. When the winner was proclaimed there was much applause and enthusiasm. Everyone cheered for her as she proceeded to accept her bouquet of roses and make a speech. Then she sashayed up and down in front of the delighted guests, staff and other contestants. All agreed it was a magnificent evening.

Big deal? You bet it was! For a moment the participants relived their youth. Their obvious delight in being made up, dressed up and made over was a real tonic to their spirits. Yes, we really are social creatures and no matter our age, it helps to "recharge our engines" socially. Nothing shakes up the doldrums like a beauty contest or a family dinner party or a nice evening out. All work and no play truly does make us dull. So, add a little sparkle to your life, dress up, laugh or even giggle, but change your routine. Take this advice and I will SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - The Love Language of Physical Touch

This week we are going to focus on the love language of physical touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. Research has shown that babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. I suspect the same is true of adults.

Physical touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. All marriages are enhanced by tender physical touch.

If Your Spouse Doesn't Enjoy Physical Touch
One wife said, “I want to touch my husband, but when I try, he draws back. He acts like it irritates him, unless of course we are having sex.” What is this man telling his wife by his behavior? That physical touch is not his primary love language. He will respond much better to “words of affirmation” or one of the other love languages. If physical touch is your spouse's primary love language, they will welcome tender touches any time you want to give them.

Some people will find it difficult to speak the language of physical touch. They were not touched as children, and touching is uncomfortable for them. But anyone can learn to speak this language. Remember, love is seeking to meet your spouse's needs, but your own. You don’t touch because it feels comfortable to you, but because it communicates love to them.

Dialects of Love
In marriage, the love language of physical touch has many dialects. This does not mean that all touches are created equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse. Your wife or husband knows what they perceive as a loving touch. Don’t insist on touching them in your way and in your time.

Respect their wishes. Learn to speak their dialect. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to them.

There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch in every society. All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting. This is also true in marriage. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. Tender physical touch can be a powerful language of love, but harsh abusive touch can actually destroy love. Clearly our bodies are made for touching, but not for physical abuse.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Leadership Corner By John C. Maxwell - Starting - The First Step Toward Success

Salespersons are coached in the power of a first impression. Orators devote hours to opening statements. Journalists are admonished never to bury the lead. Sprinters practice racing out of the starting blocks. Interviewees are taught the importance of their initial handshake with a potential employer.

In leadership, as in many other areas of life, the beginning often determines the end. False starts and weak foundations can be ruinous. Here are five insights to help you start successfully.

HOW TO START SUCCESSFULLY

1. Start With Yourself

As Gandhi famously said, "Be the change you want to be in the world." By starting with yourself, you build the self-confidence needed to attract and inspire others. Leading yourself well is a precursor to accomplishment, and accomplishment earns respect. In order to make deposits in the lives of followers, you have to have a beginning balance in your leadership account. Start leading by proving your mettle - to yourself and to prospective followers.

2. Start early

Sadly, many leaders squander their early years and spend the rest of their careers trying to make up for lost time. In leadership, as with finances, decisions made early in life accrue the most interest. When we choose poorly or establish bad habits, we put ourselves in debt. Then, we must not only repay our loans, but the interest on them as well. On the flip side, when we invest our time and talent wisely from a young age, we reap the benefits of compounding interest on our leadership.

Specifically, where should leaders start? What areas should take precedence at the beginning? From my experience there are 10 things you should do as a leader prior to reaching age 40:

1. Know yourself
2. Settle your family life
3. Determine your priorities
4. Develop your philosophy of life
5. Get physically fit
6. Learn your trade
7. Pay the price
8. Develop solid relationships
9. Prepare for the future
10. Find purpose for your life

If you're over 40, it's never to late to make improvements. Unfortunately, an old dog doesn't easily learn new tricks. Undoing years of misplaced priorities and poor self-management will take extra effort.

3. Start Small

Don't expect to understand what it takes to get to the top, just take the next step.
Think big, but start small. Doing so encourages you to get started, and keeps you from being frozen by the magnitude of the vision in front of you. When you accomplish a small step, you gain confidence that you can accomplish the next step.

The success found in starting small comes when you diligently apply the lessons you learn. As my friend, Dick Biggs, has said, "The greatest gap is between knowing and doing." Commit to mastering the details under your control, and follow through when experience has given you instruction.

4. Start with the end in view

"Most people spend more time planning their grocery shopping than designing their future."
~ Tom James, Personal Development Coach

To start with the end in view, you need energy and direction. Let your passion pull you forward, and let your planning give you guidance. In order for passion to be a driving force in your life, you must identify a purpose for you life. To locate your purpose, consider your strengths, interests, and past successes. What roles do you find most enjoyable? What brings you the greatest sense of satisfaction? Examine the areas that make you feel strong and angle your career toward them. Also, find people who have been successful in the area of your interest. Listen to them and watch their lives.

For planning to give you direction, you need to write down goals. Goals lend structure to your purpose, and they keep you leading "within the lines." They focus your action and move you toward your overall vision.

5. Start Now

We exaggerate yesterday, overestimate tomorrow, and underestimate today. Embrace action daily. Don't wait until it's too late before you begin to pursue the visions implanted in your heart. Make each day your masterpiece; you'll be surprised where you end up after stringing together a few months of superb days.

I'll leave you with one final thought:

"How wonderful it is that we need not wait a single minute before starting to improve ourselves and our world." ~ Anne Frank

Review - Five Steps to Starting Successfully

1. Start Early
2. Start with Yourself
3. Start Small
4. Start with the End in View
5. Start Now

About the Author

John C. Maxwell is an internationally recognized leadership expert, speaker, and author who has sold over 16 million books. His organizations have trained more than 2 million leaders worldwide. Dr. Maxwell is the founder of EQUIP and INJOY Stewardship Services. Every year he speaks to Fortune 500 companies, international government leaders, and audiences as diverse as the United States Military Academy at West Point, the National Football League, and ambassadors at the United Nations. A New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Business Week best-selling author, Maxwell was named the World's Top Leadership Guru by Leadershipgurus.net. He was also one of only 25 authors and artists named to Amazon.com's 10th Anniversary Hall of Fame. Three of his books, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Developing the Leader Within You, and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader have each sold over a million copies.

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Getting Rid of Bitterness

Have you ever been deeply hurt by your spouse? Some of you may be saying, “Yes, again and again and again.” Then chances are you have also felt anger and bitterness toward your spouse. What are you going to do with these strong emotions that won’t seem to go away?

Unexpressed and Uncontrolled Anger
Let’s look at two negative ways and one positive way of responding to anger and bitterness.

First, there is unexpressed anger; holding it inside and letting it smolder. When we do this, the bitterness becomes like a malignant cancer slowly destroying the fiber of life. Then, there is uncontrolled expression of anger. Like an explosion it destroys everything in its range. Such an outburst is like an emotional heart attack and may produce permanent damage.

There is a better way. It begins by saying to yourself, “I’m extremely angry and bitter about what my spouse has done. But I will not allow their wrong to destroy me and I will not attempt to destroy them. I will turn my spouse over to God who is just, and I will release my anger and bitterness to God.” The Biblical challenge is “get rid of anger and bitterness” (Col. 3:8).

Releasing to God
Confess to God that you have held your anger inside and that you are bitter. Ask His forgiveness for handling your anger in a sinful way. Then confess your bitterness to your spouse and ask forgiveness. Find a counselor or trusted friend who can help you release your spouse and your anger to God, in order to live a constructive life in the future. Let me admit that a one time confession of bitterness may not eliminate all hostile feelings. If the bitterness has been there a long time, the hostile feelings may die slowly.

Whose Responsibility?
Paul said, “Never pay back evil for evil... Never take your own revenge, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:17,19). You may have been greatly wronged by your spouse, but it is not your responsibility to punish them for their sin. They must face God with their sin, and God is a just judge. Verbal retaliation accomplishes no constructive purpose. Seeking the good of your mate, which the Bible calls love, has much potential for good.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Hope for the Separated by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner By Zig Ziglar - Little Things Do Make Big Differences

If my watch is four minutes slow and I show up for a noon flight at 12:04 p.m., you know what will happen. I have an arrangement with the airlines that says if I'm not there when my flight is scheduled to leave, they leave without me. They have always lived up to their end of the agreement.

Somebody once said that honesty in little things is no little thing. Also, the smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention. How right they are. On the serious side, a little thing can be enormously significant. Retired Brigadier General Robinson Risner was a prisoner of war in North Vietnam for over seven years. He was in solitary confinement for five of those years. He suffered from cold, heat, malnutrition and lack of fresh air. He was totally deprived of any human comfort. He jogged in his cell by the hour. When he became so frustrated he had to scream, he stuffed his underwear in his mouth to muffle the scream. He would not give his captors the satisfaction of knowing his frustration.

One day, in the depths of despair, Gen. Risner lay down on the floor and looked all around his small, rectangular-shaped cell. He put his eye next to the cinder blocks, hoping that there would be a crack in one of them. Fortunately, there was a minute opening and he saw a single leaf. Later he stated that seeing that evidence of life outside was a tremendously uplifting and life-changing event.

When I heard this story most of my complaints in life suddenly fell into context and I resolved to be more appreciative of the many blessings I had, instead of complaining about what I did not have. Fact: The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more you will have to express gratitude for. Being grateful is a winning approach to life. Take it and I will See You At The Top

Zig Ziglar is a motivator and teacher. He is the author of 27 books and loved by millions of people world wide for his practical wisdom and his gift of hope.