Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Trouble in Paradise Part 1 of 2

If you entered marriage believing that you could merge lives effortlessly, the first thing you need to do is change your expectations. The truth is, living together requires many adjustments.

Remember this is not like trying to put up with a college roommate or the person splitting the rent in your apartment, where you can choose to ignore minor irritations or strange habits until the end of the lease. This is your life partner, the one you vowed to stay with until death. And not just stay together, but build an intimate relationship. This week we'll talk about bringing two lives together in harmony.

It's the Little Things
You found out he snores like a lumberjack. She squeezes the toothpaste in the middle. He thinks Burger King and laser tag are the ingredients of a romantic evening. She sings the wrong lyrics to every song on the radio.

The key to working through such irritations is to keep them in their proper perspective. Don’t let small things become big problems. Remind yourself that these are not life threatening problems. If we can find solutions, fine. If not, we can live with them. Here’s a plan for requesting change. Tell your spouse three things you like about them and then make one request. For example: “If possible, could you please get the hairs out of the sink when you finish?” I'll advise you not to request change more than once every two weeks.

Where's my "Happily Ever After?"
Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for “happily ever after” to begin. If doing nothing is your strategy for keeping love alive in your relationship, you’re in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating.

Do you remember some of the things you did when dating? Did you give gifts? Did you speak to each other kindly? Maybe it’s time to ask your spouse, "Of all the things that I did when we were dating, which would you most like for me to do now?"

In Part 2 of Trouble in Paradise next week, we'll talk about keeping love alive after the honeymoon and getting rid of relationship wedges.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The World's Easiest Guide to Family Relationships by Dr. Gary Chapman, with Randy Southern. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.