Relationship Corner with Dr. Gary Chapman - Hope for the Separated

Is there hope for a marriage when the couple has already separated? I
believe the answer is yes. Healing might begin by one of you or both
of you going for counseling. I'm often asked, "What good is it for me
to go for counseling if my spouse is not willing?" The answer is that
if one of you can be healed, the marriage has a better chance.

The Stand-off

It only takes one person to break the silence. Have you been standing
off, refusing to give in and call, waiting for your spouse to make the
first move? Why wait? An effort to communicate that you care, that you
are open to working on the relationship may be all that it takes to
get the process going.
"He failed me. Why should I try to reconcile with him?" That line of
reasoning is perfectly normal, but not biblical. In Matthew chapter 18
Jesus instructs us to reach out to those who have sinned against us
and seek reconcile. If they won't turn from their sin, then we take
someone with us and lovingly confront them again. If they still refuse
to talk with us, then we turn them over to God. We pray for them. We
seek to win them by the love of Christ in us.

Take Off the Rose-colored Glasses

If you are separated from your spouse, and you'd like to reconcile,
what's the first step? Confession. In all my counseling, I've never
seen an "innocent" partner. Both are at fault to some degree. We tend
to see ourselves through rose-colored glasses. Our faults do not look
big to us because we are used to them. If you take the initiative in
confession, maybe your spouse will forgive you and confess their own
sin."

A Powerful Tool

When all else fails, pray. Pray that God will bring a deep sense of
guilt on your spouse. That the Holy Spirit will remind your spouse of
the truth and of the fact that God will judge sin if we do not repent.
Do not feel that God has not answered your prayer if your spouse
refuses to return. God has given man real freedom, even freedom to
continue in sin. He will not make us do right, but don't stop praying.
Prayer is powerful!

Excerpt taken from Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be
Healed by Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's
resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Best regards,

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator
http://antonkarya.blogspot.com

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