Relationship Corner with DR. Gary Chapman - Expressing Regret

What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity. But how
do you determine sincerity? Research has revealed that there are five
basic elements to an apology. I call them the five languages of
apology. For an apology to be accepted, you need to speak the language
that conveys your sincerity to the offended.
The first language of apology is expressing regret, or simply saying,
"I'm sorry." It is expressing your own sense of pain that your
behavior has hurt them.

Get Specific

Without the expression of regret, some people do not sense that an
apology is adequate. A simple "I'm sorry" can go a long way toward
restoring goodwill. An apology has more impact when it is specific.
The details reveal the depth of your understanding of the situation
and how much you inconvenienced your spouse.

"But..."

Sincere regret needs to stand alone. It should never be followed with,
"But…" One husband told me, "My wife apologizes, then blames her
actions on something I did to provoke her. Blaming me does little to
make the apology sincere."
When we shift the blame to the other person, we have moved from an
apology to an attack. Blame and attacks never lead to forgiveness and
reconciliation. When you are apologizing, let "I'm sorry," stand
alone. Don't continue by saying, "But if you had not yelled at me, I
would not have done it."

What's Your Language?

For many people, receiving a sincere expression of regret is the
strongest language of apology. It is what convinces them that the
apology is sincere. Without it, they will hear your words but they
will appear empty.

Excerpt taken from The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman. To
find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit

www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Best regards,

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator

http://antonkarya.blogspot.com

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