Relationship Corner by DR. Gary Chapman - Unconditional Love

Unconditional love means that we love, and thus seek the best for the other person, regardless of their response to us. This is God’s love, and His challenge to us in marriage. Modern thinking is much more conditional. On the other hand, unconditional love focuses on meeting the needs of the other person. It is the greatest gift you can give your spouse. It is not based on their behavior, but on your desire to love them as Christ loved you.

Making the First Move
In a healthy marriage, we will actually experience unconditional love. Far too many people are waiting for their spouse to make the first move. Someone has got to take the lead. Why not you?

Let me give you a suggestion. Say to your spouse, “I’ve been thinking about our marriage, and I realize that I have loved you conditionally. I think love should do better than that, and I want to make a fresh commitment to our marriage. I am going to ask you to give me one suggestion each week on what I can do to make your life better. Whatever you suggest, I’m going to do my best to do it.”

Choose to Love
That is unconditional love in action. I think you will find that most of your spouse’s suggestions will be perfectly legitimate and very doable. Keep on loving unconditionally. Eventually, they will respond positively and start loving you, or they will run from you because they feel so guilty. Either way, you will feel good about yourself. Unconditional love always wins.

Make a Request
You are choosing to give your spouse unconditional love every week by doing something for them, and are now in a position to make a request of them. Make it small at first. If they do it, you will feel a warm emotion inside. If not, you may feel disappointed. Don’t let this keep you from loving them. When they start responding to your requests, warm emotions build. You are experiencing the emotional warmth of feeling loved. Unconditional love has led to a rebirth of emotional love. It is God’s way of rebuilding a marriage.

Excerpt taken from Five Signs of a Loving Family by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.