Relationship Corner with DR. Gary Chapman - When Your Adult Child Moves Home

You thought your adult children were gone, but suddenly they are back in your house. Many couples have discovered that the main problem was their reactions to each other. The adult child was fine, but the two of them found themselves fighting each other. If you find yourself fighting, please seek a negotiator and let him or her help you draw up some reasonable guidelines that will make life easier for everyone. This may be a counselor, pastor, or trusted friend.

Planners and Strugglers
Two types of young adults return home: planners and strugglers. Planners come home to prepare for independent living. Their goals usually include saving money, paying school debts, and building a nest egg for the future. They add vitality to their parents’ lives.

Strugglers tend to return home out of necessity. They find the outside world threatening and don’t want to struggle on their own. Parents who can respond with understanding will help them reach the level of maturity necessary to go out on their own and lead productive lives.

Terms and Conditions
When your adult child returns home, it is important that you work out an agreement on a few critical issues. First, establish a time limit for the nesting experience. Second, formulate a financial agreement that will take into account the financial goals of all parties. And third, respect the need for privacy. Your marriage will not only survive but thrive if you work together in forging such an agreement.

A Thriving Marriage
Parents who have adult children at home can consider themselves fortunate in several ways. First, they are able to help their children. Parents of strugglers also have the opportunity to rectify past mistakes. They have additional time with their children while the children are developing life values.

Nurturing your own marriage is extremely important for your adult children. They need to see a model of two adults loving and encouraging each other through the years. In order to encourage our adult children, we need to encourage each other in our marriage. Giving each other words of encouragement not only sets a model for your adult children, but it gives your spouse the emotional fuel to keep going.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from Parenting Your Adult Child: How You Can Help Them Achieve Their Full Potential by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.