Salesmanship Corner by Jeffrey Gitomer - The Impact of Reading.From your eye, to your mind, to your wallet.

“See Spot Run.”

That sentence was from one of your first reading lessons.

“Look. Look. Look.”

That sentence was from one of your first reading lessons.

More than 100 years ago, The Scott, Foresman Publishing company created the immortal reader Fun with Dick and Jane. Millions of kids learned to read from those books -- me included.

You learned to read at a very young age. It was fun.

Then came television, it was more fun, and your reading was cut in half – maybe more.

Then came beer, and less reading.

Then came job, and even less reading.

Then came marriage and family, and reading books converted to reading bank statements and insurance policies, and helping your kids learn to read from the very same books you learned from.

You get the idea. Many people, maybe even you, have substituted reading for other activities, pleasures, or necessities in life.

I believe it’s time to reverse that trend.

You have all heard the phrase, “Read to succeed.” I believe the phrase should be, “The more you read, the more you will succeed.”

• How much do you read?
• How much should you be reading?
• What do you read?
• What should you be reading?

Those are four compelling success questions.

Only you know the answers.

Here are a few more reading thoughts…
On book reports. Teachers asked you to do book reports for a reason. Book reports helped you talk about and think about what you read. Book reports helped you understand the impact of the book and generated thoughts and ideas about your new knowledge.
On tests. Tests, especially essay questions, forced you to clarify and elaborate on what you read. Almost forced understanding, especially if you were like me – cramming the night before.
On volume of volumes. It’s likely you read more books by the age of 12 than you read in your adult life. Why? Probably TV.
On speed reading. I am against it. You can’t read Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand) in a minute. You have to read every word. You read a book to gain knowledge and wisdom from the lessons and the ideas. You read for the experience and the pleasure. It’s not a race; it’s a journey. If you want to win, think tortoise, not hare.
On fiction or non-fiction. Novels are not as thought provoking or idea laden as non-fiction. I am prejudiced toward non-fiction because it’s more “how to” and because I write it. I recommend that you treat yourself to a novel or two a year. But if you read a book a month, the ratio should be ten non-fiction and two fiction a year.

The benefits of reading are short term and long term:
Read to enjoy.
Read to understand.
Read to get answers.
Read to strategize.
Read to clarify.
Read to see what others are thinking.
Read to learn.
Read to expand your knowledge.
Read to refine your thinking.
Read to impact your thinking.
Read to create an atmosphere of focused thought.
Read to change your thinking.
Read to create new thoughts.
Read to generate new ideas.
Read to achieve.
Read to win.
Read to earn.

Here are some of my personal reading tips from things I do as I am reading, and after I put the book down:
• I highlight as I read, but I don’t just underline what the author said, I take my own notes as I read.
• I write in the margins and enter my margin notes in an action file. I put thoughts and ideas in writing as soon as they occur.
• I can identify with characters, and characteristics. Most notably Holden Caulfield, he was the first. Then came Sherlock Holmes, Howard Roark, and John Galt. There are many others including, but not limited to. Bugs Bunny, Alfred E Newman, The Cat in the Hat, and Don Juan.
• I discuss to clarify. I talk about what I learned from reading to clarify and affirm my own thinking.
• I take action on things I want to try, or things I’m trying to accomplish.
• I gain insight. Especially when I read about creativity and thinking.
• I am inspired by those in the arts whose paintings, woodcuts, and photographs I admire.
• I adjust philosophies and thoughts when more credible ones emerge. When I read, I’m open to learn, and open to new ideas.

How does reading impact you?

Many people go to the library to read. Libraries are a great place to read and determine if the book is valuable enough to own. Bookstores are where you can purchase books to build your own library. Books are not just for reading; they’re also for reference.

The action plan is simple: Read ten pages a day. At the end of a year you will have read 3,650 pages. My bet is that those pages will teach you more, inspire you more, and earn you more, than the TV re-runs you’re currently watching.

Yes, there are books I recommend to build your library. Go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time visitor, and enter the word LIBRARY in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Little Red Book of Selling and eight other business books on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts Internet training programs on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development at www.trainone.com. Jeffrey conducts more than 100 personalized, customized seminars and keynotes a year. To find out more, visit www.gitomer.com. Jeffrey can be reached at 704.333.1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com

Relationship Corner by Dr. Gary Chapman - Physical Intimacy in Marriage Part 1 of 2

Last week we discussed four types of maritial intimacy. The fifth is physical intimacy, which will be covered this week and next week.

The book of Genesis says that when a husband and wife have sexual intercourse, they become “one flesh." It is the consummating act of marriage, the physical expression of the inward union of two lives.

Sex is not simply a matter of joining two bodies that were uniquely made for each other. It speaks of intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual bonding as well. Sex was God’s idea, and marriage is the context in which it finds ultimate meaning.

Celebrate the Differences
Sexual intimacy is certainly near the top on the list of intimacies commonly desired in marriage. Because men and women are sexually different (long live the difference!), we often approach sexual intimacy in different ways. The husband’s emphasis is most often on the physical aspects--seeing, touching, and feeling. On the other hand, the wife emphasizes the emotional aspects--to feel loved, cared for, and treated tenderly. For her, these pave the road to sexual intimacy.

Mutual Satisfaction
Understanding male-female differences is necessary if we are going to discover God’s ideal of sexual intimacy. The husband must learn to focus on his wife’s emotional need for love. The wife must understand the physical aspect of her husband’s sexual desires. As in all other areas of marriage, this requires learning. If the couple focuses on making the sexual experience an act of love, each seeking to pleasure the other, they will find sexual intimacy.

It should be obvious that we cannot separate sexual intimacy from emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual intimacy. You can study these separately, but in the context of human relationships, they can never be compartmentalized.

The sense of closeness, of being one, of finding mutual satisfaction is reserved for the couple who is willing to do the hard work of learning. Love can be learned, and sexual intimacy is one of the results.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.

Excerpt taken from The Family You've Always Wanted: Five Ways You Can Make it Happen by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Salesmanship Corner by Jeffrey Gitomer - You don’t “get” respect, you “earn” it!

In 1978, Rodney Dangerfield burst onto the comedy scene claiming he “got no respect.” That theme earned him millions of laughs, and millions of dollars. The reason is the theme resonated with his audience, many of whom also got no respect. No respect from their employer, family members, or customers. Rodney was their champion, their anti-hero.

How respected are you?
How respectful are you?
How well do you believe you command the respect of others?

Respect is not defined in a dictionary. It’s intangible. It’s a feeling. And it’s an earned position. Contrary to popular belief, bosses do not command respect; they earn respect. And bosses who do not earn the respect of their people, have a high employee turnover rate and wonder why.

Respect is earned by words, and by actions. Things like keeping your promises or proactively providing service. Things like becoming more personally involved with the success of your customer, or taking responsibility when responsibility is not really yours.

It’s the extra effort. It’s the extra mile. It’s the extra measure of sincere effort that you put into your dialogue or your process. Others can sense that you care about them, and will respect that effort. Very few people will actually say, “I respect you.” Rather, they will do things that prove their respect without ever having to say the word. Things like placing an order, placing a second order, or giving you a referral. Even things like taking your phone call, or returning your phone call, show respect.

One of the keys to respect is the word personal. How personal are you in your actions? How personal are you in your communication? The more personal you are with others, the more respect you will earn.

But there is a secret to respect. If you master this secret you will be able to create respectful atmospheres in any environment you encounter. The secret is: In order to earn the respect of others, you must first respect yourself.

This means you have to have confidence in yourself. You have to like what you do. You have to be willing to serve. You have to like yourself. And you have to love yourself. Like and love are two separate issues. You may like yourself for how you look, or how you sell, or how you communicate, but you love yourself for who you are, what you believe in, and what or who you seek to become.

Loving yourself gives you the ultimate opportunity to respect yourself. I’m not saying that you have to be a goody two-shoes, I’m certainly not, and I have a TON of respect for myself. What it means is doing the right things for yourself, taking the right actions for yourself, and loving yourself enough that its evident when you enter a room, evident that your expressions come as much from your heart as they do from your mind, and the same with your actions.

I challenge you to spend one day in retrospect. Take a flip chart and begin to document all the good things that you’ve done for yourself, and all the good things that you’ve done for others. Be real enough with yourself to admit what you like about yourself, and what you love about yourself.

Then document what you need to change about yourself that will make you better and stronger. Maybe your self-respect suffers from the way you see yourself in the mirror, or some of the personal choices that you make. Maybe it’s your environment. But whatever it is, if you don’t acknowledge it, you will never be able to change it or enhance it. You’ll never be able to grow in earning respect from others until you grow in respecting yourself.

One of the most interesting parts of respect is there’s no measuring tool, there’s no “How much do you respect me?” Respect begins with an opportunity, and ends with reality. You can only get it by earning it, and it can only grow slowly over time.

The secret is easy. Do the right thing all the time and respect will be yours. Say the right words, take the right actions, and believe in your heart that you’re doing the best you can do -- for yourself first, and for others second.

For a bit more on the secret elements of self-respect, go to www.gitomer.com and enter the word RESPECT in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Little Red Book of Selling and eight other business books on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development. President of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, he gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts Internet training programs on sales, customer loyalty, and personal development at www.trainone.com. Jeffrey conducts more than 100 personalized, customized seminars and keynotes a year. To find out more, visit www.gitomer.com. Jeffrey can be reached at 704.333.1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com