Relationship Corner with Dr. Gary Chapman - Hope for the Separated

Is there hope for a marriage when the couple has already separated? I
believe the answer is yes. Healing might begin by one of you or both
of you going for counseling. I'm often asked, "What good is it for me
to go for counseling if my spouse is not willing?" The answer is that
if one of you can be healed, the marriage has a better chance.

The Stand-off

It only takes one person to break the silence. Have you been standing
off, refusing to give in and call, waiting for your spouse to make the
first move? Why wait? An effort to communicate that you care, that you
are open to working on the relationship may be all that it takes to
get the process going.
"He failed me. Why should I try to reconcile with him?" That line of
reasoning is perfectly normal, but not biblical. In Matthew chapter 18
Jesus instructs us to reach out to those who have sinned against us
and seek reconcile. If they won't turn from their sin, then we take
someone with us and lovingly confront them again. If they still refuse
to talk with us, then we turn them over to God. We pray for them. We
seek to win them by the love of Christ in us.

Take Off the Rose-colored Glasses

If you are separated from your spouse, and you'd like to reconcile,
what's the first step? Confession. In all my counseling, I've never
seen an "innocent" partner. Both are at fault to some degree. We tend
to see ourselves through rose-colored glasses. Our faults do not look
big to us because we are used to them. If you take the initiative in
confession, maybe your spouse will forgive you and confess their own
sin."

A Powerful Tool

When all else fails, pray. Pray that God will bring a deep sense of
guilt on your spouse. That the Holy Spirit will remind your spouse of
the truth and of the fact that God will judge sin if we do not repent.
Do not feel that God has not answered your prayer if your spouse
refuses to return. God has given man real freedom, even freedom to
continue in sin. He will not make us do right, but don't stop praying.
Prayer is powerful!

Excerpt taken from Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be
Healed by Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's
resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Best regards,

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator
http://antonkarya.blogspot.com

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from XL GPRS network

Relationship Corner with DR. Gary Chapman - Expressing Regret

What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity. But how
do you determine sincerity? Research has revealed that there are five
basic elements to an apology. I call them the five languages of
apology. For an apology to be accepted, you need to speak the language
that conveys your sincerity to the offended.
The first language of apology is expressing regret, or simply saying,
"I'm sorry." It is expressing your own sense of pain that your
behavior has hurt them.

Get Specific

Without the expression of regret, some people do not sense that an
apology is adequate. A simple "I'm sorry" can go a long way toward
restoring goodwill. An apology has more impact when it is specific.
The details reveal the depth of your understanding of the situation
and how much you inconvenienced your spouse.

"But..."

Sincere regret needs to stand alone. It should never be followed with,
"But…" One husband told me, "My wife apologizes, then blames her
actions on something I did to provoke her. Blaming me does little to
make the apology sincere."
When we shift the blame to the other person, we have moved from an
apology to an attack. Blame and attacks never lead to forgiveness and
reconciliation. When you are apologizing, let "I'm sorry," stand
alone. Don't continue by saying, "But if you had not yelled at me, I
would not have done it."

What's Your Language?

For many people, receiving a sincere expression of regret is the
strongest language of apology. It is what convinces them that the
apology is sincere. Without it, they will hear your words but they
will appear empty.

Excerpt taken from The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman. To
find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit

www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Best regards,

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator

http://antonkarya.blogspot.com

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from XL GPRS network

UDAH KETEMU ALASAN JADI SALES ?

Menyambung tulisan - tulisan sebelumnya yang saya tulis disini, saya masih ingin membahas mengenai HASRAT MEMBARA anda untuk menjadi seorang SALES PERSON. Kenapa sih kekeuh aja bahasnya ini melulu, kenapa gak langsung aja sih ke tekniknya ? Well, teknik sales memang penting, tapi tidak kalah pentingnya dengan impian anda. Sekali lagi, mimpi yang kurang kuat mudah mengalami distraction ( gangguan, hambatan, kendala atau apapun lah…). Kalau distraction lebih kuat dari impian, SALES menjadi sebuah kerja yang menyebalkan, menjijikan dan TIDAK BANYAK hasilnya. Jadi anda akan mengkonfirmasikan kata - kata teman anda, keluarga anda dan kenalan maupun orang yang tidak kenal anda, yang mengatakan bahwa anda TIDAK MAMPU jadi SALES PERSON. Mereka sih tidak salah, mereka sayang pada anda. Mereka cuma tidak tahu satu hal, IMPIAN ANDA !!! Yang akan tahu hanya anda, ya anda sendiri. Mereka akan melihat anda seperti Anjing gila yang lari putar - putar, tabrak sana sini, tak keruan. Mereka gak melihat "kelinci" yang anda kejar. Sekarang tugas anda, BUKTIKAN "kelinci" itu ada !!!

Misalnya saja, IMPIAN anda punya rumah. Ok, pertama - tama siapkan deh satu buku khusus untuk IMPIAN - IMPIAN anda. Coba bayangkan, seperti apa ya rumah idaman anda ??? Mmm, luas 1000m2, 3 Lantai, 4 Kamar, 5 Kamar Mandi, Ruang Home Theatre, Ruang Olahraga, dan sebagainya, dan sebagainya. Ubah bayangan anda tersebut menjadi bentuk tertulis dan ingat tulis SEDETAIL mungkin, ingat yang 3% di tulisan saya sebelumnya ? Setelah gambaran rumah tersebut tertulis dengan JELAS dan DETAIL, tulis alasannya MENGAPA anda menginginkan rumah tersebut. Atau kalau anda tidak memiliki rumah seperti itu, apa janji anda pada diri anda sendiri ? Harus yang cukup ekstrim ya…Setelah tulis itu semua, terakhir tulis kapan anda akan mencapai IMPIAN anda, lengkap dengan tanggal, bulan dan tahunnya. Ok, sudah ? Benar sudah ? Iya, iya, percaya aja lah…Beranikan diri, bilang pada orang terdekat anda, yang bisa anda percaya," Ini impian gue, gue harus dapat tanggal segini - segini, kalau gue gak dapat gue akan…BERDIRI TELANJANG BULAT DITENGAH MAL !!! " Waaahhhh, ekstrim amat, tapi terserah aja sih kalau anda yakin anda pasti bisa mencapainya. Good, one step's done !!! Saya yakin anda tidak lagi main - main dengan impian anda.

Nah, disini akan mulai ada pertentangan batin dalam diri anda, apalagi bila impian itu jauh dengan kenyataan yang sedang anda alami saat ini. Disini mulai terlihat nyata mengenai LoA ( Law of Attraction ). Seiring dengan perjalanan anda, pertentangan batin akan makin kuat, apalagi kalau anda mengalami banyak penolakan pada awalnya. Nah, pada tulisan - tulisan saya berikutnya, akan saya berikan satu persatu cara yang cukup ampuh untuk saya menghadapi hal ini. Intinya, anda harus menarik yang POSITIVE ke dalam GETARAN IMPIAN anda.

Saya yakin anda semua pasti bisa sukses dan mencapai impian anda menjadi SALES PERSON. Bagi yang ingin menempuh jalur lain, ini juga akan menjadi pilihan cara untuk mencapai apapun yang anda inginkan. Setiap orang adalah SALES, entah untuk meniti karir, hubungan yang lebih baik atau kondisi finansial yang lebih baik. Anda harus menjual entah konsep, menjual kelebihan - kelebihan anda ataupun "menjual" integritas anda pada orang yang anda ingin mereka menaruh kepercayaan pada anda. Lihat tujuan anda, fokus pada hal tersebut dan jangan pernah lupa untuk berdoa pada Tuhan dan pasrah pada kehendakNya. SUKSES ADALAH PERJALANAN, BUKAN TUJUAN.

Salam Warrior !!!

Anton Karya
SalesForce Motivator
http://antonkarya.blogspot.com

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from XL GPRS network